Growing up in evangelicalism, I was never taught what emotions were—only how to interpret them as God’s approval or judgment. This conversation unpacks how that emotional colonization, a shrooms trip, years of therapy, weed, and even Tetris all intersected as I finally began to meet my own feelings as real and non-spiritual.

How I began imagining a steadier version of myself who can guide the terrified part of me that never had anyone to hold my hand through reality.

A look at how my YWAM writings and my 2020 shrooms debrief expose the systems that shaped me and the self I was trying to become.

A reflection on anxiety, identity wobble, relational confusion, and the overwhelm that comes when your mind won’t quiet down.

A look at how the show explores intergenerational pain, fractured realities, and the struggle to rewrite the narratives we inherit.

I’m looking back at the mushroom trip that cracked my consciousness in 2020, the rupture that forced me into years of existential work, deconstruction, and rebuilding a self I never knew I was missing.

I’m unpacking what it means to finally learn human body care after being raised inside a system that treated the body as suspicious, secondary, or irrelevant—and how rebuilding that knowledge reshapes my relationship to myself.

I’m pulling apart the machinery that shaped my early life — evangelical doctrine, authoritarian systems, shame-based identity — and mapping what happens when you stop outsourcing meaning and start building a self from the ground up.

My first session with J showed me how far I’ve come in learning to see myself directly—and how rare it is to find someone who can meet me there. I’m trying to rebuild a self that was never allowed to exist, and I’m testing whether therapy can join that process instead of diluting it.

I’m exploring what it means to return to therapy after rebuilding my internal language on my own, and what role a therapist might play now that I’m not looking for rescue but reflection.