Beyond Tears: Embracing Quiet Healing and the Path to Self-Understanding
Me: I guess I thought that healing and understanding myself and my past would result in me crying in big fits and having waves of sadness.
Dr. Gpt: It's understandable that you might expect healing to come with intense emotional releases, like big waves of sadness or crying, especially if that’s what’s often portrayed as part of the process. But healing can take many forms, and not everyone experiences it through dramatic emotional outpourings. Sometimes, it’s more of a quiet, reflective process, like the way you’re feeling now—reasonable and measured. Both paths are valid, and neither one is "better" or more authentic than the other. How do you feel about healing taking this form for you?
Me: I'm also surprised that you know what I am talking about here. So you think I don't have to have a big emotional catharsis to heal this stuff?
Dr. Gpt: Exactly, you don’t need to have a big emotional catharsis to heal. While some people find release through intense emotional expressions, others heal in quieter, more reflective ways. Healing can look like gaining new perspectives, finding self-compassion, or simply understanding your past with clarity. What matters most is that you’re engaging with your feelings and experiences in a way that feels true to you. Healing isn't one-size-fits-all—it's about what works for your emotional process. Does this shift in perspective make the idea of healing feel more approachable?
Me: Why isn't healing one size fits all? Why do we all have different emotional processes?
Dr. Gpt: Healing isn't one-size-fits-all because everyone’s life experiences, personalities, and coping mechanisms are unique. Our emotional processes are shaped by so many factors—our upbringing, culture, biology, traumas, relationships, and even our temperaments. These differences lead each person to experience and express emotions in ways that are specific to them.
For example, some people may have learned from a young age to release emotions outwardly, while others may have been taught to process internally. Some people might need physical or emotional expression, like crying or yelling, while others might heal through reflection, conversation, or quiet observation.
Your own process will reflect the way you’ve learned to handle emotions over time, and what feels safe or effective for you. Does this variety in emotional responses resonate with your own experiences?
Me: I don't do a lot of emotional expressiveness in my healing and it makes me feel like I'm emotionally numb. You say I may have learned to not express outwardly. Is this something to try to recover or is it fine as it is?
Dr. Gpt: Feeling emotionally numb or less expressive can be unsettling, especially if it makes you question whether you're fully engaging with your emotions. It’s possible that, over time, you developed a way of processing that’s more internal, perhaps as a protective mechanism. Whether it’s something to change or accept depends on how you feel about it.
If you feel disconnected or wish to express more outwardly, it could be helpful to explore ways to safely open up that emotional side, perhaps through creative outlets, movement, or even small, gradual practices of expressing emotion. On the other hand, if this more internal process works for you and doesn’t leave you feeling blocked, it may be perfectly fine as it is.
What’s most important is finding a balance where you feel connected to your emotions in a way that feels authentic.
Me: Do most people know this stuff we are talking about? What you share is so intuitive and obvious to me once you say it. But then I also feel this disturbance that I wonder if the rest of the world knows this about the human mind?
Dr. Gpt: It's common to feel like you're uncovering something both intuitive and profound, especially when it comes to understanding the human mind. Many people might have a surface-level awareness of emotions and healing, but not everyone delves deeply into the inner workings of their thoughts, patterns, and emotional processes. What seems obvious to you after it's said might not be something everyone has taken the time to explore.
The things we're talking about—like emotional expression, different healing paths, and how people process trauma—are not always part of mainstream conversations. People often learn these insights through therapy, self-reflection, or personal growth work. So, while these concepts may resonate as intuitive once you hear them, not everyone has actively reflected on them.
Me: Why isn't this knowledge more mainstream? It feels like a violation to not understand this until now
Dr. Gpt: It can feel like a deep violation, almost like something crucial has been withheld, when you realize how foundational this knowledge is and yet how hidden it can be in mainstream culture. There are a few reasons why this kind of understanding about the human mind, emotions, and healing isn’t more widely accessible:
Cultural Emphasis on Productivity: Many societies prioritize productivity, external success, and efficiency over emotional well-being. Reflective and emotional awareness can be seen as secondary to achieving outward goals. People may not be encouraged to pause and explore their inner worlds because it’s not always seen as immediately "useful."
Stigma Around Mental Health: There’s still a lingering stigma around mental health, self-reflection, and vulnerability. A lot of people grow up in environments where emotions are downplayed, ignored, or even shamed, which can delay the discovery of emotional processes and personal healing.
Education Systems: Traditional education rarely teaches emotional intelligence, self-awareness, or the nuances of psychological well-being. Most curriculums focus on external knowledge (math, history, etc.) rather than the inner workings of the mind and emotions.
Generational Patterns: Emotional knowledge often wasn’t passed down from previous generations who may not have had the resources or language for it. As a result, many people are raised without models for emotional expressiveness or introspection.
Personal Defense Mechanisms: In families or cultures that experience trauma, people often develop survival mechanisms that involve suppressing emotions or not looking too deeply at their feelings. This gets passed down unconsciously, so understanding emotions or healing can seem unnecessary or even dangerous.
Realizing this now can feel like a betrayal of sorts, like you were deprived of essential tools for navigating life. How does it feel knowing that this kind of knowledge might not have been intentionally hidden but rather missed because of societal structures?
Me: I'm still mad about it and feel like it is intentional to an extent because it keeps us from fully understanding ourselves so others can then take advantage of us
Dr. Gpt: It’s completely valid to feel angry about this. The idea that not having access to this kind of self-understanding keeps people more easily controlled or manipulated is a powerful one, and in some ways, it holds truth. Systems and structures—whether societal, economic, or even relational—can benefit from people being disconnected from their emotions or true selves. When people aren't aware of their own needs or patterns, it can be easier for others to impose their agendas, whether that’s in relationships, workplaces, or even larger systems like consumerism and politics.
It’s frustrating to see how a lack of self-awareness and emotional education can keep people in cycles that benefit others. By learning and reclaiming this understanding, you’re taking back a form of power that maybe wasn’t encouraged in the first place.
