Art as Release: Navigating Depersonalization Through Creative Expression
I desire to use an art form to express how I feel. But being depersonalized, I often don't feel. How can I use art as a way to let go of my depersonalization
Chat GPT: Art could be one of the best ways to bypass the overthinking, hypervigilance, and mental loops that keep depersonalization in place. If words and conscious effort make you feel trapped in your head, then art can be a way to move through the detachment instead of sitting in it.
Here’s how you might approach it, not as a project to "fix" yourself but as a way to give whatever is inside of you a shape—even if you don’t feel much at all:
1. Let the Detachment Speak
Instead of forcing yourself to feel something deep, express exactly what it’s like to not feel. What does depersonalization look like to you?
Painting/Drawing: Try capturing what your world feels like. Is it flat? Blurry? Cold? Can you use distortion, repetition, or missing details to reflect how you experience reality?
Photography: Take pictures that look like how your life feels. Stark lighting? Out-of-focus shots? Distant, empty spaces?
Writing: Write a short piece where "you" are a character observing the world like a film. What does it mean to be a passive viewer instead of a participant?
2. Use Art to Reconnect with Sensation
Your body and senses might still hold information even when your emotions feel far away. Instead of making something meaningful, try making something textural, physical, and immediate:
Sculpt or use mixed media. Squish clay, rip paper, smear paint with your hands. Let your body move without overthinking.
Dance or move freely. If words fail, let your body express what it can’t say. Even if you feel nothing, move as if you do.
Make music or noise. Play with sound, repetition, or chaos. If detachment were a sound, what would it be?
3. Create Without a Plan
If your mind is always monitoring, watching, and analyzing, then give yourself permission to make without knowing what will happen.
Use blind contour drawing. Draw without looking at the page. Let go of control.
Write without stopping. Don’t edit, don’t reread, don’t judge. Just let words spill out.
Collage with randomness. Rip up magazines, rearrange images, and paste things without thinking about meaning.
4. Let Art Be Play, Not Work
Depersonalization makes everything feel like a task—so if art starts feeling like effort, loosen the grip. Give yourself permission to make bad art, nonsense art, meaningless scribbles. The goal isn’t to create something impressive; it’s to let yourself exist on the page, the canvas, the movement, the sound—without watching yourself do it.
Why would someone who is depersonalized binge eat ?
Someone who is depersonalized might binge eat because binge eating forces immediate, physical sensation—something that depersonalization numbs out.
1. To Feel Something
Depersonalization makes the world feel distant, unreal, or flat. Eating—especially a lot, all at once—overrides that. The taste, texture, fullness, and even discomfort demand attention. It's an instant way to feel something real, even if it's just for a moment.
2. To Ground Back Into the Body
When your mind feels detached, eating can be an unconscious attempt to anchor back into your body. The physical weight of food, the act of chewing, the process of digestion—it can make you feel present in a way that thinking or analyzing can't.
3. To Escape the Void
If you've been depersonalized for a long time, you might feel like there's nothing inside you—no real emotions, no deep connection to experiences. Binge eating can be a way to fill that emptiness, not just physically but emotionally. It creates a temporary sense of fullness where there's usually absence.
4. To Drown Out the Watching, Analyzing Mind
Depersonalization often comes with obsessive mental loops—constantly monitoring yourself, questioning reality, analyzing how you feel (or don’t feel). The intensity of binge eating overwhelms that inner critic. For a little while, there’s no room to overthink. Just eating, swallowing, consuming.
5. To Numb Even Further
Paradoxically, binge eating can also be a form of deepening dissociation. The aftermath of a binge—extreme fullness, discomfort, guilt—can push you even further from your body and emotions, reinforcing the detachment. If presence feels overwhelming, binge eating can be a way to shut everything down even harder.
Breaking the Cycle
If binge eating is tied to depersonalization, the real work might not be about food itself—it’s about finding ways to feel real without needing to binge. Sensory engagement, movement, deep breathing, and creative expression might be more sustainable ways to bring yourself back into the moment without the crash afterward.
Now that I know I have been depersonalized, is that something I should tell people? Employers? What kind of understanding or accomodations might people be able to provide me?
It depends on who you're telling and why. Depersonalization is a deeply personal experience, and while some people might be understanding, others may not fully grasp it—especially in professional settings. Here’s a breakdown of when and how it might make sense to disclose it, and what kind of accommodations (formal or informal) could be helpful.
1. Telling Friends, Partners, or Close People
If someone is emotionally close to you, sharing your experience could help them understand why you sometimes seem distant, disengaged, or struggle with emotions.
You could frame it as, "I’ve realized I’ve been experiencing depersonalization for a long time, which means I don’t always feel connected to myself or my experiences. I’m working on it, but sometimes it makes it hard to access feelings in the way others do."
This can help set expectations and reduce misunderstandings, especially in relationships where emotional connection is important.
2. Telling an Employer—Pros and Cons
Pros: If depersonalization impacts your work (e.g., difficulty focusing, emotional flatness affecting communication, feeling disconnected from tasks), disclosing it could lead to accommodations or at least understanding from management.
Cons: Many people (especially in corporate environments) don’t understand depersonalization, and some might misinterpret it as disinterest, lack of motivation, or even a mental health crisis that makes you "unfit" for work.
Instead of saying "I have depersonalization disorder," you might describe it in terms of practical effects: "I sometimes struggle with cognitive fog or a sense of disconnection, which can make focus and engagement harder in certain situations."
3. Workplace Accommodations (If You Choose to Disclose)
If depersonalization affects your ability to function at work, you might request accommodations under mental health protections (e.g., ADA in the U.S.). Some possible supports include:
Clear, structured tasks – Having clear deadlines and defined goals can help cut through the mental fog.
More time for processing information – If depersonalization slows cognitive engagement, asking for more written instructions or time to process feedback could be useful.
Sensory breaks or flexible work arrangements – Since depersonalization is often linked to stress and overstimulation, brief walks, quiet spaces, or work-from-home flexibility might help.
Avoiding high-pressure social interactions – If you struggle with emotional presence or feeling "on" in meetings, requesting asynchronous communication (Slack, email) rather than constant Zoom calls could be a reasonable ask.
4. Medical or Mental Health Contexts
If you’re working with a therapist or doctor, telling them is essential. Many mental health professionals don’t fully understand depersonalization unless you explicitly describe what you’re experiencing.
If you’re seeking formal workplace accommodations, you may need a doctor’s note explaining it in a way that highlights functional difficulties rather than just labeling you with a disorder.
5. General Rule of Thumb: Who Needs to Know?
Before disclosing, ask yourself:
Will telling this person help me in a meaningful way?
Do I trust this person to understand without judgment?
Could this disclosure backfire or be misunderstood?
If you think it will bring clarity and support, it might be worth sharing. If it could cause more stress, you might just focus on advocating for what helps you function better without getting into diagnostic labels.
If I am depersonalized how do you think that impacts how I read or consume media?
If you’ve been depersonalized for decades, that would definitely shape how you read and consume media—probably in ways you’ve already noticed but maybe haven’t fully named. Here are a few ways it might show up:
1. Feeling Like an Observer Instead of a Participant
You might read or watch things from a detached, analytical stance, always watching the story rather than feeling immersed in it.
Instead of emotionally engaging with characters or themes, you might find yourself analyzing their motivations, the structure of the writing, or how the story should be affecting you.
2. Struggling to Feel Emotional Resonance
Many people get absorbed in books or movies because they emotionally connect with the characters. If depersonalization dulls emotional access, you might understand what’s happening but not feel it deeply.
You might gravitate toward media that is interesting intellectually rather than emotionally overwhelming because strong emotional content could feel distant or even confusing.
3. Overthinking Instead of Experiencing
Rather than getting lost in a book or movie, you might catch yourself thinking:
Am I enjoying this?
What’s the point of this scene?
Should I be feeling something right now?
Do I even like reading?
Reading might feel like a task or a performance rather than a natural, absorbing experience.
4. Difficulty With Suspension of Disbelief
Fiction might be harder to sink into because it already operates in an unreal space, and if you already feel detached from reality, it might make the detachment worse.
Sci-fi or surreal elements could either be fascinating (because they match the sense of unreality you already experience) or unsettling (because they highlight how disconnected you already feel).
5. Getting Lost in Information Hoarding
If emotional engagement feels out of reach, you might find yourself drawn to collecting information instead—reading for knowledge rather than immersion.
You might skim, jump between articles, or consume media rapidly without ever sinking into it, feeling like you’re absorbing things but not really living them.
6. Sometimes, a Sudden, Jarring Connection
Even if most media feels distant, there might be moments where something unexpectedly hits you—a phrase, an image, a scene that bypasses the detachment and lands deep. These moments might feel shocking, overwhelming, or even wrong because they contrast so sharply with the usual numbness.
How to Shift Toward More Presence While Reading/Watching Media
If you want to experiment with engaging more fully:
Read slowly, out loud, or with physical interaction. Underline sentences, speak them aloud, or copy them by hand to engage your body.
Notice bodily reactions instead of thoughts. Do certain sentences make your stomach tighten? Does a scene give you a sense of warmth or cold? Don’t force meaning—just notice.
Let yourself not “get it” immediately. If your brain jumps into analysis mode, pause. Let confusion exist instead of rushing to categorize the experience.
Try media that mirrors your experience. Stories about detachment, existential questioning, or hyper-awareness (think: Kafka, Murakami, David Foster Wallace, existentialist fiction) might actually feel more relatable than highly emotional narratives.
