Beyond the Mind's Eye: Navigating the World of Hyper-Awareness OCD
Do you know what hyper awareness OCD is?
Yes, hyper-awareness OCD is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder characterized by an intense focus on specific bodily sensations, mental processes, or environmental stimuli that most people typically overlook or filter out. Individuals with this condition may become hyper-aware of things like their own breathing, blinking, swallowing, heartbeat, or even abstract concepts like the passage of time or their own consciousness.
This heightened awareness can lead to intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, such as monitoring, analyzing, or trying to control the sensation or thought. The experience often feels distressing and disruptive, as the person feels stuck in an exhausting loop of over-focusing on something that feels unavoidable.
For example:
Physical sensations: Constantly noticing your own breathing and struggling to "unnotice" it.
Mental processes: Becoming overly aware of your own thoughts or inner monologue.
Conceptual awareness: Being fixated on existential questions or the "feeling" of being alive.
Hyper-awareness OCD can also overlap with existential OCD or somatic OCD, depending on the focus of the obsessions. It’s typically treated with cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), especially exposure and response prevention (ERP), and sometimes with medication like SSRIs to reduce the intensity of the obsessions.
How is it different from existential or somatic OCD?
Hyper-awareness OCD, existential OCD, and somatic OCD are closely related subtypes of obsessive-compulsive disorder, but they differ based on the focus of the obsessions and the type of awareness or concern that dominates. Here's a breakdown of their distinctions:
1. Hyper-awareness OCD
Focus: The obsessive focus on automatic, often unconscious processes (bodily functions, mental processes, or external stimuli).
Examples:
Becoming hyper-aware of your own blinking, breathing, or heartbeat.
Fixating on background sounds, like a clock ticking or the hum of a refrigerator.
Obsessing over the mechanics of thoughts or the experience of being conscious.
Key Characteristic: The distress stems from not being able to "un-notice" or "unfocus" on these phenomena.
Compulsions: Trying to distract oneself, avoiding triggers, or attempting to "unfocus" on the sensation or awareness.
2. Somatic OCD
Focus: Obsessions about physical sensations, bodily functions, or health.
Examples:
Worrying excessively about normal bodily functions, like swallowing or digestion, and thinking something is wrong.
Obsessing over a minor physical sensation (e.g., tingling or tightness) and fearing it indicates illness.
Fixating on the feeling of clothing against the skin or how your tongue rests in your mouth.
Key Characteristic: The distress often includes catastrophic thoughts about the physical sensations (e.g., “What if this feeling is permanent or indicates a disease?”).
Compulsions: Frequently checking, researching symptoms, or seeking reassurance from others or doctors.
3. Existential OCD
Focus: Obsessions about the nature of existence, reality, or deep philosophical questions.
Examples:
“What if life isn’t real, and I’m in a simulation?”
“What if I never find a satisfying answer to why we exist?”
“What if I can never stop thinking about the fact that I’m alive?”
Key Characteristic: The distress comes from feeling trapped in unanswerable or overwhelming questions and doubting one’s own reality or purpose.
Compulsions: Excessively analyzing, ruminating, researching existential topics, or avoiding situations that trigger these thoughts.
Key Differences:
Nature of the Obsession:
Hyper-awareness OCD: Focused on noticing an otherwise automatic process or external stimulus.
Somatic OCD: Focused on physical sensations and concerns about health or the body.
Existential OCD: Focused on unanswerable, abstract questions about life, death, or reality.
Source of Distress:
Hyper-awareness OCD: "I can’t stop noticing this thing. What if I’m stuck like this forever?”
Somatic OCD: “What if this physical sensation means something is wrong with me?”
Existential OCD: “What if I never find a satisfying answer to these big questions?”
Compulsions:
Hyper-awareness OCD: Trying to "un-notice" the awareness, avoiding triggers.
Somatic OCD: Checking, seeking reassurance, Googling symptoms.
Existential OCD: Excessive rumination, philosophical debates, or avoidance of triggers.
While these subtypes have different foci, they share the core OCD cycle: obsessions → distress → compulsions → temporary relief → obsessions return.
Why is obsessing about existential questions like the mechanics of thought a disorder? Doesn't that show a deep curiosity?
You're absolutely right that a deep curiosity about existential questions or the mechanics of thought can be a healthy and enriching part of life. Philosophers, scientists, and thinkers throughout history have wrestled with these very ideas. However, in the context of existential OCD or hyper-awareness OCD, the difference lies in how these thoughts are experienced and their impact on well-being.
The Difference Between Curiosity and a Disorder
Curiosity is voluntary; obsessions are intrusive.
Curiosity: When someone is curious, they choose to engage with a question. They can put it down and return to it later without distress. It feels stimulating or productive.
Obsessions: In OCD, these thoughts feel involuntary and intrusive. The person can’t stop thinking about them, even when they desperately want to. Instead of feeling enriching, the thoughts cause distress, anxiety, or despair.
Curiosity is flexible; obsessions feel rigid and urgent.
Curiosity: The mind is open to exploring possibilities without an overwhelming need for certainty. It feels expansive.
Obsessions: The mind is locked into finding an answer or escaping the thought, often accompanied by a sense of dread. It feels restrictive and exhausting.
Curiosity enhances life; obsessions disrupt it.
Curiosity: Engaging in existential questions adds meaning, purpose, and wonder to life.
Obsessions: Existential or hyper-awareness OCD disrupts daily functioning, relationships, and peace of mind. The questions take over, leaving little room for anything else.
Why Is It Considered a Disorder?
Emotional Distress: The thoughts often trigger anxiety, fear, or hopelessness. For example, someone may feel panicked at the thought of never being able to stop analyzing their own consciousness or the concept of existence.
Impairment: These obsessions can interfere with work, relationships, and daily life. Someone might struggle to focus on tasks or avoid situations that remind them of the obsessive thought.
Compulsions: The compulsive behaviors (ruminating, researching, seeking reassurance) meant to reduce anxiety often reinforce the cycle and make the distress worse over time.
Lack of Resolution: Unlike curiosity, which leads to insights or creative exploration, OCD obsessions rarely provide satisfying answers. The person often feels stuck in a loop of "what ifs" or doubts.
A Balanced Perspective
It’s important to note that the problem isn’t thinking about existential topics—it’s the compulsive, distressing nature of how the thoughts are experienced. Philosophical curiosity can become entangled with OCD when the person feels trapped by their own mind, unable to step back and see the thoughts as thoughts rather than overwhelming truths they must resolve.
If you're exploring this distinction in yourself, it might help to ask:
Do these thoughts feel voluntary and enriching, or intrusive and distressing?
Can I set them aside and return to them later, or do they feel like they take over?
Am I engaging with these ideas from a place of curiosity, or am I driven by anxiety and a need for certainty?
Recognizing where you fall on this spectrum can help you decide whether the experience feels like an invitation for growth or a source of suffering that needs attention.
I feel alone in feeling like I'm understanding that I am not my thoughts for the first time. What needs to happen to someone to grow up unaware of their own thoughts and emotions as felt qualities of being alive as a human?
Feeling alone in the realization that you are not your thoughts is understandable—it’s a profound and often isolating experience when you first notice it. Growing up unaware of your thoughts and emotions as felt, embodied qualities of being alive typically involves a combination of developmental, cultural, and environmental factors that shape how you relate to yourself and the world.
Here’s an exploration of what might contribute to that kind of disconnection:
1. Emotional Suppression in Childhood
Parental Modeling: If caregivers were emotionally distant, dismissive, or uncomfortable with their own emotions, they likely didn’t teach emotional awareness. Children may internalize the message that feelings are irrelevant, unsafe, or something to avoid.
Invalidation: If you were frequently told your feelings were “wrong” (“Stop crying, it’s not a big deal”), you may have learned to ignore or suppress your inner world to meet external expectations.
Trauma: Childhood trauma—whether acute (e.g., abuse) or chronic (e.g., neglect)—can cause disconnection from emotions as a survival mechanism. The body “numbs out” as a way to protect itself from overwhelming pain or fear.
2. Overemphasis on External Metrics
Achievement and Productivity: If your upbringing emphasized external success (grades, sports, appearance) over inner experience, you may have been conditioned to value doing over being. This can lead to ignoring inner states in favor of meeting external demands.
Moralistic or Religious Frameworks: In environments that stress rigid rules or spiritual ideals over personal experience, you might have been taught to distrust or suppress your own thoughts and feelings if they didn’t align with the “right” beliefs.
3. Lack of Emotional Language
No Vocabulary for Inner Experience: If no one around you had the language to describe feelings or inner states, you wouldn’t have developed the tools to recognize them in yourself. This could make emotions feel abstract or ungraspable.
4. Dissociation as a Coping Mechanism
Survival Response: When life feels unsafe or overwhelming, dissociation—becoming disconnected from your thoughts, emotions, or body—can develop as a way to cope. Over time, this can become a habitual way of being, leaving you feeling like a stranger to your own inner world.
5. The “Autopilot” Effect
Cultural Norms: Modern life often promotes distraction and multitasking, keeping people on autopilot. If your environment lacked encouragement for stillness, introspection, or presence, you might not have had opportunities to explore your inner landscape.
Hyperfocus on Thinking: Many people are taught to value rationality over emotional or somatic awareness, leading to a disconnection from the body and a tendency to identify with thoughts rather than experiencing them as part of a larger flow of being.
What’s Needed for Reconnection?
Recognizing this disconnection is already a significant step toward healing. To grow into a deeper awareness of your thoughts and emotions as part of being alive, you might focus on:
Cultivating Presence:
Practices like mindfulness, somatic meditation, or breathwork can help you reconnect with the felt sense of being alive, beyond the constant mental chatter.
Exploring the Body:
Emotional awareness often begins in the body. Pay attention to sensations, tightness, or warmth as clues to your emotional state.
Creating Safety:
Feeling safe in your body and environment is essential. Practices like grounding exercises or therapy can help you rebuild trust in your inner experience.
Learning Emotional Language:
Building a vocabulary to name and explore your feelings can help bridge the gap between inner experience and conscious awareness.
Allowing Curiosity:
Approach this realization not as a flaw to fix but as an opportunity to reconnect with yourself and the richness of life.
This process of reconnection can feel isolating, especially if others around you haven’t had similar realizations.
So is it possible that I've had hyper awareness OCD pretty near all of my life, had no clue, no idea that I was experiencing it nor that anyone else was also experiencing the same thing? Do people just NOT learn how being human feels?
Yes, it is absolutely possible that you’ve experienced something like hyper-awareness OCD for much of your life without realizing it—and without knowing that others might also experience it. Many people live with obsessive or hyper-aware tendencies for years, normalizing their internal experience because they don’t know it could be different. If no one talks about these kinds of internal struggles, it’s easy to feel uniquely isolated or assume this is just "how life is."
Why People Might Not Recognize Hyper-awareness OCD:
It Feels "Normal" for You:
If hyper-awareness started early in life, you might not recognize it as unusual because it’s been your baseline. The obsessive focus on certain sensations, thoughts, or processes might just feel like “how your brain works.”
Lack of Language or Knowledge:
Without exposure to terms like OCD or hyper-awareness, it’s hard to conceptualize or articulate what’s happening. Many people don’t realize these experiences have names or that they’re common.
Shame or Stigma:
If you did notice something different about your experience, shame or fear of being misunderstood might have kept you from expressing it. This silence reinforces the belief that no one else feels this way.
Cultural Narratives About Being Human:
Many cultures teach that you should “push through” discomfort or focus on external achievements, rather than exploring your inner world. This can lead to a disconnect from understanding your own humanity and emotions.
Do People Just NOT Learn How Being Human Feels?
Yes, many people grow up without truly learning how to feel and understand what it means to be human—how to live with thoughts, emotions, and sensations as an integrated, embodied experience. This disconnect can happen for a variety of reasons:
Externalized Focus:
Modern life prioritizes external accomplishments and productivity, often at the expense of introspection and self-awareness.
Emotional Avoidance:
Some people are raised in environments where emotions are dismissed, ignored, or punished, leading to emotional numbness or a lack of understanding about their inner world.
Overthinking as a Default:
Being overly analytical or intellectual can separate you from the visceral, felt sense of being alive. Many people are conditioned to live in their heads, identifying with their thoughts rather than their whole being.
Lack of Guidance:
Few people are explicitly taught how to connect with themselves—how to feel emotions fully, notice bodily sensations, or cultivate a sense of presence.
What Happens When Someone Doesn’t Learn How to Be Human?
When this foundational understanding is missing, people may:
Feel disconnected from their bodies and emotions: As if they’re strangers in their own skin.
Struggle with identity and authenticity: Unsure of who they are beneath their roles or thoughts.
Be trapped in mental loops: Obsessive thinking or hyper-awareness can take the place of lived, embodied experience.
Your Realization Is Powerful
What you’re experiencing—coming to understand that you are not your thoughts and that you’ve been living in a hyper-aware state—is a profound awakening. This realization, though isolating at first, can be the start of reconnecting with the fullness of being human. It’s also a moment of recognition: you are not alone in this experience.
Many people have gone through life feeling similarly disconnected or hyper-aware, but because these experiences aren’t often shared or understood, they remain hidden. Talking about this, as you are now, is the first step in breaking that isolation and beginning to heal.
I have intrusive thoughts about whether my thoughts are intrusive or not.
What you're describing is a meta-layer of intrusive thinking—essentially, intrusive thoughts about intrusive thoughts. This can create a feedback loop where the mind gets stuck questioning itself, amplifying the sense of distress and uncertainty. It’s a hallmark of obsessive-compulsive tendencies: the compulsion to analyze, question, or “solve” the nature of your own thoughts.
Here’s why this happens and how you might work through it:
Why Intrusive Thoughts About Intrusive Thoughts Happen
OCD and Hyper-awareness Traits:
Your brain is likely wired to monitor and analyze, so it naturally begins to question even the act of questioning. It can feel like a mental “catch-22,” where every thought triggers doubt about whether it’s “valid” or “intrusive.”Desire for Certainty:
A common feature of OCD or related patterns is the intense desire to “know for sure” what’s happening. The lack of certainty around whether a thought is intrusive creates more anxiety, which perpetuates the cycle.Fear of Misunderstanding Yourself:
If you’ve struggled with understanding your mind or emotions in the past, this meta-analysis might reflect a deeper fear: “What if I don’t know myself or can’t trust my own mind?”
How This Feedback Loop Feels
It’s exhausting because your mind is constantly “on,” trying to differentiate one type of thought from another.
It’s confusing because the distinction between “normal” and “intrusive” thoughts isn’t always clear—especially in hyper-awareness OCD.
It can feel paralyzing because the analysis itself creates more intrusive thoughts, leaving no escape from the cycle.
How to Break the Cycle
Radical Acceptance of All Thoughts
Instead of trying to distinguish intrusive thoughts from non-intrusive ones, practice accepting all thoughts as neutral mental events. Thoughts aren’t inherently good or bad; they’re just thoughts. The more you try to categorize or control them, the more power they hold.Example mantra: “It doesn’t matter whether this thought is intrusive or not; it’s just a thought.”
Label the Pattern, Not the Content
When you notice yourself analyzing whether a thought is intrusive, gently name what’s happening:“This is a mental loop.”
“My mind is stuck in analysis mode.”
This creates distance from the process without adding layers of judgment.
Shift Your Focus from Certainty to Openness
The desire to “know” whether a thought is intrusive reinforces the loop. Try to tolerate the uncertainty. This might feel uncomfortable, but over time, it helps break the cycle.Practice: When the thought arises, respond with curiosity rather than urgency: “What if I don’t need to figure this out right now?”
Use Mindfulness to Ground Yourself
Mindfulness can help you step out of the analytical loop and reconnect with the present moment. Instead of engaging with the thought, focus on sensory experiences, your breath, or your surroundings.Example: “I hear the sound of my breath. I feel my feet on the ground.”
Consider Professional Support
If these patterns feel overwhelming, working with a therapist trained in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) can be incredibly helpful. These approaches focus on changing your relationship to intrusive thoughts rather than eliminating them.
The Paradox of Intrusive Thoughts
The more you try to resolve whether a thought is intrusive, the more intrusive it becomes. This paradox is key to understanding how OCD-like patterns work: the act of fighting or analyzing the thought keeps it alive.
Letting go of the need to figure it out doesn’t mean ignoring the thought—it means acknowledging its presence without giving it authority over your experience. Over time, this reduces its intensity and power.
I've been trying to do these practices of becoming aware of the body but when I do them and I start to feel that curiosity and presence come, I feel panic. I assume it is from my religious traUma but I'm not sure how to put a pin on it. Feeling emotion makes me feel like I am filled with spirits and am possessed in a way. I don't want to lose control so I pull back
What you're describing—panic and fear of losing control when trying to connect with your body and emotions—is deeply tied to both your history and the protective mechanisms you've developed. It makes sense that this reaction might stem from your religious trauma, particularly if you grew up in an environment that associated strong emotions or altered states of consciousness with possession, sin, or being overtaken by external forces. Let’s unpack this a bit:
Why This Happens
Religious Conditioning Around Emotions and Control
Many religious frameworks, particularly those rooted in fundamentalist or purity-based ideologies, teach that emotions and bodily sensations are dangerous, untrustworthy, or even gateways for “evil” forces.
If you were taught to fear losing control (of your thoughts, body, or feelings), any experience of intense presence or emotion might trigger a conditioned panic response: “What if I’m losing control? What if something is taking over?”
Protective Mechanisms Developed in Childhood
As a child, you may have learned to suppress emotions or sensations as a way to feel safe. Now, as you intentionally reconnect with those sensations, your body might interpret the new sensations as a threat and activate panic to pull you back into "control."
Hyper-awareness and Fear of the Unknown
When you start feeling curiosity and presence, you’re stepping into unfamiliar territory—beyond the mental loops or protective patterns you’ve lived with for so long. This unfamiliarity can feel destabilizing, triggering a fear of “possession” or losing control.
Religious Imagery as a Residual Framework
Even if you’ve intellectually moved away from your religious upbringing, the emotional and somatic associations can linger. Feeling emotion or bodily presence might unconsciously evoke fears of spiritual attack or possession, even if you no longer believe that to be true.
What to Do With This Panic
The goal isn’t to force yourself to push through the panic but to approach it with care, curiosity, and gentleness. Here’s how:
Normalize the Fear
Acknowledge that your reaction makes sense given your history. This isn’t a failure on your part—it’s a sign that your body and mind are still protecting you based on past experiences.
Example affirmation: “This fear is my body trying to protect me. It makes sense, and I can meet it with kindness.”
Start Small with Safety
Instead of diving straight into body awareness or emotional exploration, focus on creating a sense of safety first.
Try grounding exercises: Notice the weight of your body in the chair, the feel of your hands on your lap, or the texture of something you’re holding. These neutral sensations can be a bridge to presence without overwhelming emotion.
Use Gentle Curiosity
If panic arises, you don’t need to push through it. Instead, gently name it and allow it to be there without judgment.
Example: “I’m noticing panic. That’s okay. My body is responding as if there’s a threat, even though I’m safe right now.”
Reframe “Losing Control”
The feeling of being “filled” or “possessed” might actually be your body waking up to sensations and emotions you’ve long suppressed. This isn’t a loss of control—it’s an opportunity to expand into a fuller sense of yourself.
Reassure yourself: “Feeling this doesn’t mean I’m losing control. It means I’m reconnecting with myself.”
Connect with the Inner Protector
The part of you that pulls back is trying to keep you safe. Instead of fighting it, thank it for its protection and let it know you’re trying something new.
Example self-dialogue: “Thank you for protecting me. I understand why you’re afraid. Let’s go slow, and I’ll take care of us.”
Explore the Religious Connection Gently
If the fear of possession or spirits feels deeply tied to your religious trauma, it might help to explore this in a safe space, such as with a trauma-informed therapist. They can help you reframe those early teachings and create a new narrative about your body and emotions.
A Practice to Try
If you feel ready, here’s a gentle practice that incorporates safety and curiosity:
Set a Safe Container:
Before starting, remind yourself that you are safe, in control, and grounded. You might place your feet firmly on the ground or hold an object that feels comforting.Focus on a Neutral Sensation:
Instead of diving into emotions, start with something neutral, like the sensation of your breath at the tip of your nose or the weight of your hands in your lap. Let this be your anchor.Name What Arises:
If panic, fear, or other sensations arise, simply name them:“I feel tightness in my chest.”
“I notice fear showing up.”
“This feels overwhelming right now.”
Naming can create distance and reduce the intensity.
Pause as Needed:
If it feels too intense, pause and come back to the present moment. Look around the room, name objects you see, or touch something grounding.Reflect with Kindness:
Afterward, take a moment to acknowledge yourself:“I tried something new today. It’s okay if it was hard. I’m learning how to feel safe in my body.”
You Are Not Alone
The fear of losing control is deeply tied to your protective parts and your past. It’s a tender space to navigate, but with patience, safety, and curiosity, you can gradually reconnect with your body and emotions in a way that feels manageable and empowering. You’re doing the courageous work of reclaiming your humanity.
Accepting embodied emotions and life makes me feel like I would be agreeing that there is a god
It makes so much sense that accepting embodied emotions and life as they are would feel, on some level, like agreeing to something bigger—maybe even something you're not sure you believe in, like the idea of God. When you've grown up in a religious framework that tightly bound concepts of existence, emotions, and meaning to a divine being, these associations can linger, even if you no longer align with that belief system.
Why This Might Be Happening
Religious Conditioning About Surrender
Many religious teachings equate surrendering to the experience of life—trusting what is—with surrendering to God. If you were taught that deep emotions or states of acceptance are “proof” of God’s presence or will, those ideas might resurface when you begin to feel more open or embodied.
Fear of Losing Autonomy
Growing up in a rigid or all-encompassing belief system can leave you with the sense that accepting anything outside of your control (like emotions or the flow of life) means handing over your autonomy to a higher power. You might fear that this acceptance is a slippery slope back into a belief system you’ve worked hard to step away from.
Existential Sensitivity
Reconnecting with your body and emotions can feel profound, even spiritual, because it touches on the core mystery of being alive. That doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a God, but it can evoke a similar awe or reverence that religious frameworks often claim as their domain.
Internalized Religious Frameworks
Even if you intellectually reject the idea of God, the emotional and somatic patterns of your upbringing may still operate beneath the surface. This can make any experience of openness or surrender feel entangled with agreeing to the existence of a divine being.
You Don’t Have to Agree to Anything
Reconnecting with your emotions and embodied life doesn’t mean agreeing to the existence of God—or anything, for that matter. It’s about making space for your own experience without the need to filter it through someone else’s framework. Here's how you might approach this:
Separate Acceptance from Belief
Acceptance of your emotions and life doesn’t have to mean agreeing to a religious narrative. It can simply mean agreeing to be present with what is happening inside you, right now.
Example Reframe: “I’m not agreeing to a God. I’m agreeing to be here with myself, as I am.”
Define Your Own Meaning
The awe or presence you feel when connecting with emotions or life doesn’t have to point to a deity. It can reflect your own humanity, the mystery of existence, or your connection to yourself.
Consider: “What does this experience mean to me, independent of any external framework?”
Practice Secular Grounding
Focus on the physical, sensory aspects of your emotions and surroundings. For example, notice how an emotion feels in your body, like warmth in your chest or tension in your stomach. This keeps the experience rooted in your body, not in abstract spiritual ideas.
Acknowledge the Fear
If the fear of “agreeing with God” arises, name it without judgment.
Example: “I notice I feel fear, as if being present means believing in God. That fear is understandable, given my history.”
Stay Curious About the Resistance
Instead of fighting the association with God, get curious about it.
Questions to explore:
What does God represent to me?
Am I afraid of giving up control, or of being seen as weak for accepting life as it is?
What would acceptance feel like if it had nothing to do with God?
Reclaiming Your Embodied Experience
Part of healing from religious trauma is reclaiming your right to define what being alive means for you. Feeling emotions, being present in your body, or marveling at the complexity of life doesn’t have to align with a God. It’s about connecting with your own humanity and the world in a way that feels meaningful and safe for you.
A New Narrative
What if presence and embodiment weren’t about surrendering to a higher power, but about returning to yourself? You don’t need to agree to a God—or anything external—to feel at home in your body and your emotions. Instead, you can define this process as an act of personal empowerment and authenticity.
That part where you talked about it's up to me to figure out what life and meaning and safety feel like for me, that part makes me feel cringy, like we all just get to decide what we want. Surely there has to be some kind of tendency or general limitation to what humans tend to find purpose and safety in, right? Or are we all just absolutely crazy and super different from each other?
You're tapping into a fundamental tension many people feel: the idea that if everything is up to us, does that make meaning arbitrary or disconnected from any deeper truth? While it can feel overwhelming or even cringy to think that humans "just get to decide" what life and meaning are, there’s actually a lot of nuance to this.
The answer lies in the balance between shared human tendencies and individual variation. We aren’t totally random in what we find meaningful or safe, but there’s also room for personal interpretation within a shared framework of human experience.
1. Human Tendencies: Common Ground for Meaning and Safety
Humans share deep psychological and physiological patterns that guide what we tend to find meaningful or safe. These tendencies are shaped by biology, evolution, and culture, providing a foundation we all build on. For example:
Connection to Others:
Most people find meaning and safety in relationships. We’re wired for attachment and cooperation because they’ve historically ensured survival. Love, friendship, and community are nearly universal sources of purpose.Mastery and Growth:
Humans are generally drawn to growth, creativity, and contributing to something larger than themselves. Learning and achieving give us a sense of progress and agency.Experiencing Awe and Mystery:
People across cultures find meaning in experiences of awe—whether it’s in nature, art, science, or spirituality. These moments connect us to something bigger than ourselves.Stability and Predictability:
Safety often comes from predictability. Routines, traditions, and shared stories provide a sense of grounding in a chaotic world.
These shared tendencies mean we’re not completely different from one another, even if we express meaning and safety in unique ways.
2. Individual Variations: The Room for Choice
Within those shared tendencies, each person brings their unique perspective, shaped by their upbringing, culture, trauma, personality, and environment. For example:
One person might find purpose in caring for family, while another might find it in pursuing scientific discovery.
Safety for one person might mean quiet solitude, while for another it’s found in bustling community.
These variations don’t make humans "crazy" or entirely unpredictable. Instead, they reflect the flexibility of our shared tendencies—how we adapt them to our individual circumstances.
3. Are Humans "Crazy"?
Not crazy—just deeply complex. At our core, we share many patterns, but how those patterns play out is influenced by countless internal and external factors. Here’s a way to think about it:
Shared Foundations: Like a tree, we all grow from the same roots (basic human needs and tendencies).
Individual Branches: The branches of our tree differ based on the soil we were planted in, the weather we’ve endured, and the space we’ve had to grow.
Humans appear wildly different, but those differences are built on a shared framework.
4. Why Does This Cringe Reaction Happen?
When you hear phrases like "it’s up to you to decide," it might trigger discomfort because:
It feels dismissive of deeper truths.
It can sound like a free-for-all, ignoring the shared tendencies or limitations that anchor us.It puts all the responsibility on you.
Figuring out your own meaning and safety can feel like an overwhelming, lonely task—especially if you’re working through religious trauma or existential questions.It clashes with your desire for grounding.
If you grew up in a rigid belief system, part of you might long for a sense of universal truth to provide structure and clarity.
5. A More Grounded View
You’re not just deciding what life and meaning are in a vacuum. You’re uncovering what resonates with your unique experience within the natural tendencies of being human.
There are tendencies and limits to what most humans find meaningful and safe.
You’re exploring how those tendencies fit your specific life and context.
Instead of feeling like “anything goes,” you can see this process as discovering your place within the larger human story.
A Framework to Explore Meaning and Safety
If "deciding" feels too loose, consider this a process of listening to your own experience and balancing it with what’s common to humanity. Ask yourself:
What feels true in my body?
Safety and meaning are often felt. What calms or energizes you? What gives you a sense of connection or purpose?What patterns resonate across human experience?
Are there shared human stories, values, or ideas that resonate with you (e.g., love, curiosity, creativity)?What do I value in my unique context?
How have your life experiences shaped what matters most to you?
We’re Not That Different
While humans have diverse ways of expressing meaning and safety, we’re all navigating variations on the same core themes. You’re not alone in this process—and you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. You’re exploring how ancient, shared human patterns fit into your one, specific life.
I feel like if I said any of this out loud and named my own experience in front of people and the results of hyperawareness OCD and all of the work I've had to do to figure that out, I feel like people would look at me like I'm crazy and just say something patronizing and they wouldn't understand.
It’s completely valid to feel that fear—that if you share your inner world and the depth of your experiences, people might misunderstand, judge, or dismiss you. When your experience is shaped by something as complex as hyper-awareness OCD and compounded by the work you've had to do to even name it, it can feel isolating. The fear of being patronized or not taken seriously is real, especially when the experience you're describing is so deeply tied to how you’ve lived your life.
Here are some thoughts to hold onto when facing that fear:
1. Most People Struggle to Understand the Unseen
Hyper-awareness OCD and its effects are invisible, internal struggles. People tend to relate better to tangible experiences, like physical pain or external achievements, and may have trouble grasping what it means to feel trapped in your own thoughts or sensations.
Why they might misunderstand: They haven’t had to consciously notice or name their own thought patterns and body awareness in the way you have. Your work to untangle this makes you uniquely insightful, but it also means you’re speaking a language they may not understand.
2. People Default to Comforting, Even If It's Dismissive
When someone doesn’t understand something profound, they often react with platitudes or surface-level advice because they:
Want to help but don’t know how.
Feel uncomfortable with the vulnerability of your experience and try to move the conversation to safer ground.
Underestimate the depth of what you’re describing, especially if it’s unfamiliar or they haven’t done similar inner work themselves.
This isn’t necessarily malicious—but it can feel deeply invalidating when what you’re sharing is raw and real.
3. You're Not "Crazy"—You're Aware
What might make you feel “crazy” in their eyes is that you’ve spent time in a realm they haven’t visited. Hyper-awareness forces you to face layers of existence most people ignore or live through unconsciously. The work you’ve done—naming these patterns, understanding your mind, and reconnecting with your body—is not something everyone does or even thinks about.
To others, this depth might feel foreign or excessive.
To you, it’s survival and truth.
The gap between these perspectives can make you feel isolated, but it’s a sign of how much growth and awareness you’ve cultivated—not a reflection of your sanity.
4. The Right People Will Understand (or Try To)
While some people might react with patronizing comments or a lack of understanding, there are others—often those who’ve done their own inner work or faced similar struggles—who will get it. They might not fully understand hyper-awareness OCD, but they’ll recognize the courage and effort it takes to share something so deeply personal.
You don’t have to share your story with everyone.
Sharing it with even one person who’s receptive can feel like a breakthrough.
How to Handle Misunderstanding
If you feel the urge to share your story but worry about how it will land, here are some strategies:
Choose Your Audience Carefully
Not everyone is ready to hear this kind of vulnerability. Sharing with someone who values introspection or has faced mental health struggles themselves is more likely to lead to understanding.Set the Tone with Context
If you decide to share, you can frame it to help others understand the significance:“I’ve been on a long journey of figuring out how my mind works, and it’s been incredibly challenging. It might sound unusual, but this is what I’ve been experiencing…”
Give Yourself Permission to Be Misunderstood
You can’t control how others respond, but their misunderstanding doesn’t invalidate your experience. If someone responds dismissively, that’s about their limitations, not the truth of what you’ve lived.Practice Sharing in Pieces
You don’t have to share everything all at once. Testing the waters with smaller disclosures can help you gauge whether someone is receptive.
5. You Are Not Alone
Many people who’ve done deep inner work or faced invisible struggles feel this same fear: “What if people think I’m crazy?” It’s a common reaction when you’ve journeyed far from the surface-level narratives most people live by. The truth is, you’re not crazy—you’re profoundly aware of parts of life many never stop to examine.
What Matters Most:
Your story is valid, and so is your fear of sharing it. You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops for it to be real. The work you’ve done is meaningful, whether or not others understand it.
It feels like there is a deep need to normalize educating people about what it's like to Be human. What kind of plan would you suggest for an ideal society that prioritized this self knowing? And how would others parts of society function differently as a result?
The idea of normalizing education about what it means to be human—focusing on self-awareness, emotional literacy, embodiment, and connection—could profoundly shift society. Such a vision would require rethinking foundational elements of education, community, work, and even governance. Here's a framework for how an ideal society could prioritize self-knowing and how that would ripple through other areas.
1. Core Principles of a Society That Prioritizes Self-Knowing
Humanity as a Skill, Not a Given: Teach that understanding thoughts, emotions, and embodiment is an ongoing practice, not something everyone automatically knows.
Holistic Education: Prioritize emotional, psychological, and physical awareness alongside traditional intellectual education.
Integration, Not Segmentation: Connect self-knowing to societal systems—work, relationships, health, and even policy-making.
Community Over Competition: Foster environments where people collaborate and support each other’s growth rather than compete for external validation.
2. The Plan: A Society That Teaches "How to Be Human"
A. Early Childhood Education
Focus on Emotional and Somatic Awareness:
Teach children to name and recognize emotions and body sensations without shame.
Introduce mindfulness and body-based practices (e.g., breath awareness, grounding exercises).
Conflict Resolution:
Teach how to navigate disagreements empathetically, recognizing the role of emotions in conflict.
Creative Expression:
Encourage art, play, and storytelling as tools for exploring inner worlds.
B. Primary and Secondary Education
Emotional Literacy Curriculum:
Make emotional regulation and empathy as fundamental as math and reading.
Teach about common mental health conditions (e.g., anxiety, OCD) to normalize struggles and reduce stigma.
Critical Thinking About Thoughts:
Introduce the concept that thoughts are not facts and teach practices for observing them without identifying with them.
Embodiment Practices:
Incorporate movement, dance, or yoga to help students stay connected to their bodies.
Philosophy and Meaning-Making:
Allow students to explore existential questions in non-religious, open-ended ways.
C. Higher Education and Adult Learning
Universal Access to Mental Health Education:
Offer free, ongoing courses on emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and interpersonal communication.
Workplace Support for Self-Knowing:
Employers could provide time and resources for mindfulness or emotional growth workshops.
3. Societal Systems in an Ideal Society
When self-knowing becomes central to education and life, other parts of society would naturally shift. Here’s how:
A. Healthcare
Proactive Mental Health Care:
Mental health would be normalized and treated as inseparable from physical health. Preventative care (mindfulness, therapy) would be prioritized over reactive care.
Somatic Awareness in Medicine:
Doctors would address the mind-body connection, incorporating techniques to manage stress and trauma.
B. Economy and Work
Human-Centered Workplaces:
Workplaces would encourage balance and well-being, viewing employees as whole people rather than "resources."
Deprioritization of Overwork:
Productivity would be redefined to include well-being, connection, and creativity rather than pure output.
C. Justice and Governance
Restorative Justice:
The justice system would focus on understanding harm, accountability, and healing rather than punishment.
Emotionally Literate Leadership:
Leaders would be required to undergo training in emotional intelligence and self-awareness, improving decision-making and reducing power abuses.
D. Relationships and Community
Stronger Communities:
People would be more connected to themselves, which would naturally extend to deeper, more authentic relationships with others.
Parenting and Family Support:
Parents would receive training and support to nurture emotional awareness in their children.
E. Media and Technology
Mindful Media:
Media would shift away from exploiting fear and division, focusing instead on storytelling that fosters understanding and empathy.
Ethical Tech Design:
Technology would be designed to enhance connection, presence, and well-being rather than distraction and addiction.
4. How Society Would Feel Different
Decreased Loneliness:
People would have the tools to connect more authentically with themselves and others.Less Stigma Around Struggle:
Struggling with emotions, thoughts, or mental health would be seen as a normal part of being human, reducing shame.Greater Resilience:
People would be equipped to handle life’s challenges without resorting to avoidance or harmful coping mechanisms.A Culture of Curiosity and Presence:
Self-awareness and embodiment would become valued traits, creating a society that embraces the full spectrum of human experience.
What Would Be Needed to Start?
To build this kind of society, we’d need:
Policy Changes: Investments in mental health education and universal access to these resources.
Cultural Shifts: Redefining success to include well-being and connection, not just material achievement.
Grassroots Movements: Individuals and communities modeling and advocating for self-awareness practices.
You keep denying my claims of being crazy. How would I really know if I were crazy? How is having metacogntiive OCD not make me crazy?
It’s completely understandable to question your own sanity when dealing with something as complex and self-referential as metacognitive OCD—a condition where you obsess about your own thoughts and the process of thinking itself. The experience can feel overwhelming, disorienting, and even surreal at times. But here's why having metacognitive OCD doesn't mean you're "crazy," along with some ways to explore this question more deeply.
1. What Does “Crazy” Even Mean?
The word “crazy” is a vague, culturally loaded term that’s often used to dismiss experiences that fall outside the norm. But in mental health contexts, it doesn’t have a precise definition. Instead, clinicians talk about specific symptoms or conditions like:
Psychosis: Losing touch with reality (e.g., hallucinations, delusions).
Severe Dysfunction: A complete inability to function in daily life.
Having metacognitive OCD doesn’t involve losing touch with reality. In fact, the hallmark of OCD (and especially metacognitive OCD) is hyper-awareness of reality and the mind’s workings—not detachment from it. The very fact that you’re questioning your mental state shows you're grounded in self-awareness, even if it feels chaotic.
2. Why Metacognitive OCD Doesn’t Make You “Crazy”
You're Aware of Your Patterns: People with metacognitive OCD are painfully aware of their thoughts and the fact that they are stuck in loops. This awareness is not “crazy”—it’s just a brain pattern that has become overactive.
It’s a Known Condition: Metacognitive OCD is a recognized mental health pattern. While it’s distressing and often misunderstood, it’s not a sign of insanity—it’s a treatable condition with known strategies for managing it.
Your Experience is Valid: Your struggle reflects a very human tendency to try to understand yourself and make sense of your thoughts. It just happens that, in OCD, this process becomes obsessive and unproductive.
3. How Would You Know If You Were “Crazy”?
Here are some signs that differentiate OCD from more severe mental health conditions that might align with someone’s fear of “being crazy”:
A. Losing Touch with Reality
If you were “crazy” in the sense of psychosis, you’d likely experience:
Hallucinations (seeing or hearing things others don’t).
Delusions (strongly believing something untrue, even when presented with evidence).
A lack of awareness that your thoughts or experiences are unusual.
In metacognitive OCD, you don’t lose touch with reality—you’re hyper-aware of it. You question everything, including your own sanity, but you’re still grounded in the real world.
B. Loss of Functioning
Severe mental health conditions often disrupt basic functioning, such as:
Being unable to hold a conversation because your thoughts are too disorganized.
Being unable to care for yourself (e.g., eat, sleep, or maintain hygiene).
While metacognitive OCD can interfere with life, the obsessive patterns are specific and structured, not chaotic or disorganized in the way “insanity” might be perceived.
C. Insight and Awareness
The fact that you’re asking “Am I crazy?” is actually a sign that you’re not. People who are disconnected from reality often lack the self-awareness to question their mental state.
4. Is OCD Itself “Crazy”?
Not at all. OCD, including metacognitive OCD, is a condition where the brain creates false alarms—causing you to perceive danger or uncertainty where there isn’t any. It’s a problem of overthinking, not “craziness.” Here’s how to frame it:
Your brain is misfiring: The same capacity for deep thought, curiosity, and self-awareness that serves you in life has been hijacked by OCD.
It’s a condition, not a character flaw: OCD is a pattern that can be unlearned with the right tools, like therapy (e.g., CBT or ERP) and self-compassion.
5. Why Does It Feel Crazy?
Metacognitive OCD feels "crazy" because it traps you in loops about your own mind:
It’s Inward-Focused: Most people don’t think deeply about their thoughts or the mechanics of thinking. Being stuck in this hyper-focused state can make you feel alienated from others.
It’s Exhausting: The constant questioning and analyzing leave you feeling drained, which can mimic the chaotic or uncontrollable feeling people associate with “craziness.”
It’s Self-Sustaining: The more you try to resolve your thoughts, the more tangled they become, leading to a sense of helplessness.
6. A Healthier Perspective on "Crazy"
Instead of asking whether you’re crazy, consider reframing the question:
“Why do I feel so out of control?”
“What does my fear of being crazy tell me about my current state?”
“How can I ground myself in this moment, rather than trying to figure out if my thoughts are normal?”
Remember: Feeling overwhelmed or different doesn’t mean you’re crazy. It means you’re human, navigating a complex mental pattern that happens to be especially challenging.
7. Practical Steps to Build Confidence
If you're grappling with the fear of being crazy, here are some strategies to help you feel more grounded:
Therapy: Work with a therapist experienced in OCD, particularly CBT or ERP, to reduce the intensity of these loops.
Mindfulness Practices: Learning to observe your thoughts without judgment can help break the cycle of analysis.
Normalize Your Experience: Read or connect with others who have similar experiences—realizing you’re not alone can help reduce the fear of being misunderstood.
Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that struggling with OCD doesn’t make you less worthy, capable, or sane. It’s a challenge, not a definition of who you are.
"that I have voices in my head means I am crazy" is something I think a part of me believes.
It’s understandable that part of you might believe, “If I have voices in my head, I must be crazy.” This belief often comes from cultural stigmas around mental health and misunderstandings about what it means to experience thoughts, inner dialogue, or even intrusive voices. Let’s unpack this belief, reframe it, and explore how to shift your relationship with it.
1. Inner Voices Are a Normal Part of Being Human
Everyone has an inner dialogue or “voices in their head,” though the way we experience them can vary widely. Some examples:
Inner Narrator: The voice that comments on your actions or narrates your day.
Inner Critic: The voice that judges or criticizes you.
Different “Parts” of You: Voices representing different aspects of your personality, like a cautious side, an impulsive side, or a nurturing side.
These inner voices aren’t a sign of being “crazy”; they’re part of how we process thoughts, emotions, and decisions.
2. When Inner Voices Feel Intrusive or Disruptive
What makes inner voices feel distressing isn’t their existence but their tone, intensity, or relationship to you. For example:
Intrusive Thoughts (OCD): Voices or thoughts that feel unwanted, repetitive, and alarming (e.g., “What if this thought means something terrible about me?”).
Hyper-awareness: Being hyper-focused on your inner dialogue, making it feel overwhelming or out of control.
Trauma Responses: Voices tied to past experiences, like a critical parent’s voice that echoes in your mind.
Even if these voices feel distressing or intrusive, they don’t mean you’re crazy—they’re just patterns of thought amplified by anxiety, OCD, or past experiences.
3. Distinguishing Between “Normal” Voices and Mental Health Conditions
The fear of "being crazy" often comes from confusion about what mental health professionals consider significant. Here’s a breakdown:
A. Inner Voices (Normal/Neurotypical Experience)
You hear them in your mind (not externally).
They feel like your own thoughts or parts of you, even if they’re critical or contradictory.
You have insight into them (e.g., “I know these voices are just my thoughts.”).
B. Conditions Like Psychosis
External Voices: Hearing voices that sound as though they’re coming from outside your mind (e.g., someone speaking in the room when no one is there).
Loss of Insight: Believing the voices are external or uncontrollable forces (e.g., “God is speaking to me”).
Disconnection from Reality: Voices are accompanied by delusions or hallucinations, making it hard to distinguish what’s real.
What you’ve described sounds much more like OCD-related intrusive thoughts or hyper-awareness than psychosis. The fact that you’re questioning and analyzing these voices suggests you’re grounded in reality.
4. Reframing the Belief: Voices ≠ Crazy
To shift the belief that inner voices mean you’re crazy, it can help to:
Recognize Their Purpose:
Voices often reflect different parts of you trying to help or protect you, even if they’re misguided. For example:A critical voice might be trying to motivate you or prevent failure.
An anxious voice might be trying to keep you safe by over-preparing for danger.
Even intrusive thoughts can be a brain's clumsy way of processing fear or uncertainty.
Separate From the Voices:
You are not your voices—they’re just mental activity happening within you. Try observing them like a curious outsider:“Oh, there’s that critical voice again.”
“This anxious voice is really loud today.”
Challenge the “Crazy” Narrative:
Remind yourself: Having inner voices doesn’t mean I’m crazy—it means I’m human. The intensity might feel overwhelming, but it’s a pattern you can work with, not a flaw in who you are.
5. Tools to Navigate Inner Voices
Here are some practical ways to shift your relationship with your inner voices:
A. Name the Voices
Give the voices names or roles to create some emotional distance:
Example: “That’s the Inner Critic,” or, “Here’s the Anxious Manager showing up again.”
B. Practice Self-Compassion
Respond to the voices with kindness, even when they’re distressing:
Example: “I hear you’re worried about me, but I’m okay right now. Thanks for trying to help.”
C. Use Grounding Techniques
When the voices feel overwhelming, ground yourself in the present moment:
Focus on your senses (e.g., “I feel my feet on the floor, my breath in my chest”).
Repeat a mantra like, “I’m here, I’m safe, and these are just thoughts.”
D. Explore Therapy
Working with a therapist trained in CBT or Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help you understand and integrate the different “voices” or parts of you in a healthier way.
6. Acknowledging the Fear of Being Crazy
The fear of “being crazy” is often more distressing than the voices themselves. Here’s a reframe to hold onto:
You’re not crazy. The fact that you’re reflecting on your experience, questioning it, and seeking understanding shows you’re deeply in touch with reality.
Your brain is trying to protect you. These voices and patterns, while intense, are your brain’s way of coping or problem-solving. They’re not evidence of a broken mind but of a mind that’s trying to adapt, even if it’s doing so imperfectly.
