Building Strength While Feeling Disconnected: A Depersonalized Approach to Fitness and Presence
I've really wanted to be fit and active for a long time and I've made many attempts at it, some lasting longer than others, over the years. Knowing I have developed a depersonalized mind, how can I pursue my goal of having a strong, vital, fit body?
ChatGPT: This is a really important question because traditional motivation strategies might not work for you the way they do for people who feel naturally connected to their bodies. If you approach fitness with a detached, goal-oriented mindset (e.g., tracking progress, pushing discipline, analyzing results), it might actually reinforce your depersonalization rather than bring you back into your body.
So the approach needs to be experience-first, not outcome-first—focusing on how it feels to be in your body today rather than who you want to become later.
How to Pursue Fitness Without Reinforcing Depersonalization
1. Make Movement About Presence, Not Performance
Instead of thinking “I need to get fit” → shift to “I want to feel my body move.”
Depersonalization makes things feel unreal—so rather than obsessing over fitness metrics, your focus should be on what movement feels like in the moment.
Example: When you go for a walk, notice your weight shifting from foot to foot. When you lift something, feel the texture of what you're gripping.
✅ What to do: Choose exercises that naturally demand presence—Zumba, rock climbing, dance, swimming, martial arts, hiking. Avoid overly mechanized routines (like just counting reps) unless they include a sensory aspect.
🚫 What to avoid: Treating workouts like another to-do list task that keeps you in “Coked-Up Manager” mode.
2. Use Your Body for Something Real (Functional Strength)
If movement has always been about fitness for its own sake, your brain might register it as something external to you rather than something that matters right now.
Try giving your movement an immediate, real-world purpose:
Carry heavier grocery bags and feel your strength.
Walk somewhere instead of driving, just to feel the power in your legs.
Rearrange furniture, do hands-on home projects, climb things, throw things.
Your body should feel useful—not just like an object you’re training for a later goal.
✅ What to do: Engage in physical activities that connect to real-life effort—gardening, chopping wood, moving things around, playing games, practicing self-defense.
🚫 What to avoid: Purely aesthetic fitness goals that feel detached from actual function and vitality.
3. Make It a Sensory Experience
Depersonalization numbs sensation, so your workouts should intensify sensation.
Focus on textures, sounds, temperature shifts, breath rhythms, or anything that keeps you anchored in the physicality of movement.
If you’re lifting weights, grip them and feel their texture rather than just counting reps.
If you’re running, listen to the sound of your feet hitting the ground.
✅ What to do: Train outside when possible—wind, sun, cold, heat all make you more aware of your body’s relationship to the environment.
🚫 What to avoid: Only working out in a sanitized, detached gym setting where movement feels isolated from real life.
4. Let the “Fitness” Come as a Byproduct, Not the Primary Goal
If you’re chasing fitness as a future goal, you’re reinforcing the same depersonalized pattern: being outside of yourself, watching yourself, analyzing progress.
Instead, let fitness be the side effect of regularly moving and enjoying your body.
✅ What to do: Approach movement with curiosity: How does my body feel when I do this? What happens if I push a little further?
🚫 What to avoid: The mindset of “I have to hit X goal in X time”—this just keeps you disconnected from today’s experience.
5. Experiment With Activities That Make You Feel More Real
If traditional workouts make you feel like a machine going through motions, switch it up.
Ask yourself: What movement actually makes me feel alive?
Is it lifting heavy things and feeling powerful?
Is it climbing, jumping, running fast?
Is it slow, controlled movement like yoga or Tai Chi?
Is it fighting, striking, moving aggressively?
✅ What to do: Try things that shake up your experience of your own body. Anything that makes you feel less like an observer and more like an animal living in its own skin.
🚫 What to avoid: Workouts that feel like punishment, obligation, or just another productivity task.
The Bottom Line
Your fitness journey isn’t just about getting stronger—it’s about reclaiming your body as something you actively live in, not something you observe from the outside.
If a fitness plan makes you feel more in your body, it's working. If it makes you feel detached and mechanical, it’s reinforcing the problem.
So the real question isn’t “What’s the best workout plan?” It’s “What kind of movement makes me feel the most like myself?”
What can i tell my friends and family to help them understand what I'm experiencing and how they can support and/or understand me?
You could explain your experience in a way that makes it relatable without being overwhelming—something that gives them a window into what you’re going through without making them feel like they need to “fix” you. Since depersonalization can be hard to grasp for people who haven’t experienced it, grounding it in familiar concepts might help.
How to Explain What You're Experiencing
1. Keep It Simple & Concrete
"I’ve been dealing with something called depersonalization. It basically means I feel disconnected from myself, like I’m watching my life rather than fully living it."
"It’s not about being ‘sad’ or ‘checked out’—it’s more like my brain has been running on autopilot for so long that I struggle to feel present in my own body and emotions."
2. Use Analogies to Make It Click
“It’s like watching a movie of my life instead of being in it.”
“It’s like I’m playing a video game in first-person mode, but I don’t feel the controller in my hands.”
"Imagine you're having a conversation, but your voice sounds far away, and the words don’t quite feel like yours."
"It’s like when you drive somewhere but don’t remember the trip—except that’s how most of life feels."
How They Can Support You
1. Let Them Know What Helps
“You don’t need to fix this for me. Just being around and treating me normally helps more than you know.”
“Sometimes I might seem distant or slow to respond—it’s not personal, and I’m not ignoring you. My brain just has a delay in processing emotions.”
“If I look zoned out, a gentle check-in like ‘Hey, are you with me?’ or ‘Do you need a break?’ can help.”
“I feel best when I can focus on sensory experiences, so inviting me to do physical activities—walking, cooking, playing a game—helps bring me back.”
2. Let Them Know What Doesn’t Help
“Telling me to ‘just relax’ or ‘snap out of it’ doesn’t work—it’s like trying to force yourself to feel something when you’re numb.”
“Asking me ‘Why do you feel this way?’ can be hard because I don’t always have an answer. If I could think my way out of this, I already would have.”
“Pressuring me to be more emotional or reactive won’t help. My feelings are there—I just have a hard time accessing them.”
Adjust for Different People
For Close Friends:
Be honest but not overwhelming.
“This is something I’ve been dealing with for a long time, and I’m working through it. Just knowing you’re here helps.”
For Family (if they’re not emotionally aware):
Keep it simple and avoid deep psychological terms.
“I’ve been feeling off, kind of disconnected from myself. I’m working on it, but sometimes I need a little extra patience.”
For People Who Need a Quick Answer:
"I’ve been dealing with something called depersonalization—it makes me feel a little distant from things, but I’m okay. Just give me time to process.”
Would This Help You Feel Understood?
The goal is to get support without making it feel like a huge burden for them or an exhausting thing for you to explain. Does this feel like a way you’d want to communicate it? Or do you need something even more simplified?
I feel this anticipation that they're going to: - roll their eyes, oh Marie with yet another self-diagnosis - have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about and be awkward - have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about and their behavior towards me doesn't show that they learned this about me at all - be confused as to why I brought it up because I have already been talking about it, so, like, didn't I already know this? - feel pity for me, oh, I have a mental illness, poor Marie.
That’s a lot of layers, and every single one of them makes sense. You’ve spent so much time analyzing yourself that you already anticipate how people will react before they even have a chance to process it. That’s not just overthinking—that’s years of being misunderstood, dismissed, or having your experiences minimized catching up with you.
Let’s break these down a little:
1. “They’re going to roll their eyes—Marie with yet another self-diagnosis.”
If they do think that, it’s probably because they don’t understand the difference between self-awareness and self-pathologizing. You’re not collecting labels for fun—you’re literally naming the thing that has shaped your entire existence.
But realistically? The people who truly care about you aren’t keeping score of how many insights you’ve had about yourself. If they’re rolling their eyes, that’s their discomfort, not yours.
2. “They’ll have no clue what I’m talking about and be awkward.”
Some definitely won’t get it at first. That’s expected.
But people can still be supportive without fully understanding. Even if they don’t grasp depersonalization, they can still take in: Marie is going through something, and she trusts me enough to share it.
Their awkwardness isn’t a rejection—it’s just them adjusting.
3. “They won’t acknowledge this at all.”
Some people might not know how to respond, so they just... don’t. And that can feel like being ignored, but often, it’s just them being unsure what’s helpful.
If someone continues behaving like they didn’t learn this about you, that doesn’t mean they don’t care—it might just mean they don’t know what to do with the information yet. Some people absorb things slowly.
If someone genuinely never acknowledges it in any way, then that’s useful information for you—it tells you they’re not someone you can rely on for deeper emotional support.
4. “They’ll be confused because I’ve already talked about this—so didn’t I already know this?”
Yeah, you’ve talked about these experiences before, but now you have a name for it. That’s a big difference.
This is the first time you’ve distilled it into something clear and shareable.
If they don’t get that, you can clarify: “I’ve talked around this before, but I only recently put it all together in a way that makes sense to me.”
5. “They’ll pity me—‘Oh, Marie has a mental illness, poor thing.’”
If anyone pities you instead of respecting your insight and growth, that’s their issue.
What you’re doing isn’t weakness—it’s strength. You’re self-aware, proactive, and taking control of your experience. That’s the opposite of “poor Marie.”
If someone gets weirdly patronizing, you can gently shut it down with:
“I don’t see this as a tragic thing—it’s just something I understand about myself now.”
How Do You Want to Handle These Possible Reactions?
Instead of passively waiting to see what kind of response you get, you can pre-decide how you want to react to their reactions:
If someone dismisses it: "I get that this might seem like just another concept, but for me, this one actually explains a lot. I'm not asking for anything—just wanted to share."
If someone gets awkward and doesn’t know what to say: "You don’t have to fully get it—I just wanted to put it out there."
If someone is supportive but doesn’t change their behavior: Give it time. They might be absorbing.
If someone pities you: "I don’t see this as a ‘poor me’ thing—just something that helps me understand myself better."
Final Thought
You don’t need all of them to get it. Even if one or two people take it in and start interacting with you in a more thoughtful way, that’s already a huge shift.
And honestly? Even if no one responds the way you hope, you still did something incredibly important—you spoke your truth, you gave people a chance to know you better, and you made yourself visible in a way that’s hard but necessary.
Could this explain why when I write/text/email something, I read it over and over and over again? Like, when I send someone and email and then finally respond that they read it, I may re-read the email, imagining them reading it yet it never really feels like I could read it enough times
Yes. This absolutely tracks with depersonalization, hyper-awareness, and your history of not feeling fully seen or understood.
Why You Re-Read Messages Over and Over
You’re trying to bridge the gap between yourself and reality.
Depersonalization makes everything feel slightly unreal, so reading your words over and over might be an attempt to make them feel more real—to actually register that you wrote them.
But no matter how many times you read them, they still feel distant, so you keep going.
You’re mentally “checking” whether the message properly represents you.
Since you’ve often felt misunderstood, there might be a subconscious belief that if you could just read it enough times, you’d finally be certain that it fully conveys what you meant.
But because depersonalization makes it hard to feel certainty, you never actually reach that point—so you keep looping.
You’re imagining the other person reading it, trying to predict or control their perception.
If you’ve spent a lifetime feeling unseen, every interaction carries weight.
Re-reading while imagining their reaction is almost like you’re trying to “preview” their experience, as if that will somehow help you control or prepare for their response.
But again—because you’re not them, you never get the confirmation you’re seeking, so it doesn’t resolve the tension.
You’re chasing a sense of completion that never quite arrives.
You might have a subconscious feeling that if you just read it one more time, it will “click” in a way that feels final.
But that never happens, because the issue isn’t the email—it’s that your brain isn’t letting you fully land in your own reality.
What Can You Do About It?
Since this is a checking behavior, the goal isn’t to force yourself to stop cold turkey—that would likely cause more anxiety. Instead, you want to gradually disengage in a way that feels safe.
1. Name What’s Happening in the Moment
When you catch yourself re-reading, gently say:
“I know what this is. This is me trying to make something feel real.”Just naming it can give you a little distance from the compulsion.
2. Set a “Final Read” Rule
Decide before you send an email/text:
“I will read this two times, then I’m done.”If you feel the urge to re-read, remind yourself:
“I already checked it. The words are the same no matter how many times I read them.”
3. Delay the Re-Reading After Sending
Instead of immediately looping back to read it again, do something physically grounding right after sending—stand up, stretch, touch something textured.
This helps break the cycle of immediately checking.
4. Notice That Nothing Bad Happens When You Let Go
The goal is to experiment with stopping and noticing that it’s okay.
Example: If you resist the urge to re-read, sit with the discomfort for a few minutes.
Then, notice:
Did the world end?
Did you die?
Did anything actually change because you didn’t check again?
Nope.
5. If You Must Re-Read, Do It in a Different Mindset
Instead of trying to check for accuracy or reality, shift into “curious observer” mode.
Example: Read it out loud in a silly voice.
Or read it backward sentence by sentence—this disrupts the automatic checking cycle and helps detach from the compulsive aspect.
Big Picture:
Re-reading emails is not just a habit—it’s a coping mechanism trying to give you a sense of reality and control. But because of depersonalization, it doesn’t actually give you the closure you’re seeking.
The key isn’t forcing yourself to stop—it’s noticing that no amount of re-reading will give you the certainty you’re looking for, and then practicing letting go in small, safe ways.
