Rebuilding Emotional Trust After Spiritual Abuse: A Path to Healing
Info from Dr. Gpt:
For a client with a history of spiritual abuse, who previously believed that emotions were messages from God but now no longer holds religious beliefs, the process of reconnecting with emotions can be deeply confusing and unsettling. The feelings of being possessed or experiencing emotions as foreign or like a spiritual invader are likely rooted in the trauma of being taught to interpret emotions through a rigid, external, and oppressive spiritual framework. The client is now attempting to rebuild her relationship with her emotions, but she understandably feels disoriented and possibly disconnected from her emotional states.
Here’s some advice to help the client navigate this process:
1. Validate the Sense of Unfamiliarity
It’s crucial to validate the client’s sense of unfamiliarity and discomfort with her emotions. After years of interpreting emotions as divine messages, it’s understandable that they might feel foreign, especially now that she’s trying to experience them without the religious lens. The feeling of being “possessed” or invaded could stem from a past reliance on external validation of emotions, making them feel alien now that she’s processing them internally.
Tip: Acknowledge that this feeling of unfamiliarity is a natural part of the healing process. It’s like learning a new emotional language after years of being taught to understand emotions through an entirely different framework.
Mantra: “It’s okay to feel unfamiliar with my emotions right now. This is part of learning how to experience them for myself, without the filters of the past.”
2. Understand the Impact of Spiritual Abuse on Emotions
Spiritual abuse, especially when it involves teachings that emotions are messages from God or divine forces, can severely disrupt a person’s relationship with their internal world. This often leads to emotional dissociation or a sense that emotions aren’t truly “yours.” The client’s sense of emotions being an external force or invader could be a lingering effect of this conditioning.
Tip: Reframe this experience by understanding that the sense of possession is not literal but a psychological defense developed from the trauma of interpreting emotions as external messages. Emotions are a part of the self, but the client is learning to integrate them as her own, not as spiritual commands.
Reframe: “These emotions are not coming from outside of me—they’re mine. I am learning to feel them for what they are, and it’s okay if they feel unfamiliar right now.”
3. Practice Grounding Techniques to Stay Present
When the client feels overwhelmed or as though she’s being “possessed” by emotions, practicing grounding techniques can help bring her back to the present moment and anchor her in her body. These techniques remind her that emotions are internal experiences, not external invaders.
Tip: Use grounding exercises like deep breathing, body scanning, or feeling the physical sensations of her feet on the ground. These help the client stay connected to her body and remind her that emotions are safe to experience.
Grounding Mantra: “I am safe in my body. These emotions are part of me, and I can handle them.”
4. Reclaim Ownership of Your Emotions
The client may need to work on reclaiming ownership of her emotions. After years of being taught that emotions came from an external spiritual source, it’s essential for her to learn that emotions are signals from within, not something imposed upon her. This process can involve naming emotions, experiencing them without judgment, and validating their presence as part of her own inner landscape.
Tip: When the client feels an emotion arise, encourage her to name it (e.g., “I’m feeling anxious” or “I’m feeling sad”) and affirm that it’s hers, not something external. Over time, this can help her develop a healthier relationship with her emotions.
Mantra: “This feeling is mine, and I have the right to feel it. My emotions belong to me.”
5. Create Emotional Safety
For someone coming out of spiritual abuse, emotions can feel dangerous or even sinful. The client may need to work on creating a sense of emotional safety, where she can experience her feelings without fearing that they are wrong, dangerous, or foreign. Building trust in herself to feel emotions without the fear of judgment is crucial.
Tip: Practice self-compassion by reminding herself that all emotions are valid and part of the human experience. This includes creating a mental or physical space where she feels safe to process her emotions, perhaps through journaling, meditation, or working with a therapist.
Mantra: “It’s safe to feel my emotions. They are part of being human, and they are not wrong or dangerous.”
6. Distinguish Between Emotions and Trauma Responses
The client may be confusing her emotional experiences with trauma responses. The sense of being “possessed” or overwhelmed could be her body’s way of responding to past trauma, especially if emotions were linked to fear or punishment in her spiritual background. It’s important to help her differentiate between natural emotional experiences and trauma responses.
Tip: When the client feels an intense emotional reaction, encourage her to pause and ask herself, “Is this an emotion, or am I experiencing a trauma response?” If it feels like a trauma response (e.g., overwhelming fear or feeling out of control), she can use grounding techniques and remind herself that she is safe.
Reframe: “This intense feeling is part of my body’s way of protecting me from past trauma. I am safe now, and I can allow myself to feel what’s truly present.”
7. Work with a Therapist to Unpack Spiritual Abuse
Given the deep impact of spiritual abuse on the client’s relationship with her emotions, working with a therapist who specializes in religious trauma can help her unpack these feelings in a safe, supportive environment. Therapy can help her deconstruct harmful beliefs about emotions and build a new framework for understanding and processing them.
Tip: Seek therapy that focuses on trauma recovery and rebuilding self-trust. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), or somatic therapies can be particularly helpful in reconnecting with emotions and processing the trauma of spiritual abuse.
8. Use Mindfulness to Experience Emotions Non-Judgmentally
Mindfulness practices can help the client experience emotions without judgment, simply noticing them as they arise and pass without attaching a spiritual or moral meaning to them. This can help her break the habit of interpreting emotions as external messages.
Tip: Practice mindful observation of emotions. When a feeling arises, simply notice it without labeling it as “good” or “bad.” Focus on the physical sensations of the emotion (e.g., tightness in the chest or a sinking feeling in the stomach) rather than trying to interpret it.
Mantra: “This emotion is just a feeling passing through me. I can observe it without judgment.”
9. Rebuild Trust in the Body and Emotions
The client may have learned to distrust her emotions and her body due to spiritual teachings that framed emotions as external or dangerous. Rebuilding trust in her body as a safe space where emotions are processed is essential for healing. This might involve reconnecting with bodily sensations and learning to experience emotions without fear.
Tip: Engage in activities that help the client reconnect with her body, such as yoga, mindful walking, or breathing exercises. These practices can help her experience her emotions as natural, embodied experiences rather than foreign invaders.
Mantra: “My body and my emotions are trustworthy. I can trust myself to feel and process what arises.”
10. Be Patient with the Process
Healing from spiritual abuse and learning to experience emotions in a healthy, grounded way is a long-term process. The client should be patient with herself, understanding that these feelings of being “possessed” or invaded are part of unlearning old patterns and building a new relationship with her emotions.
Tip: Encourage the client to see this process as a journey of self-discovery rather than something that needs to be “fixed” immediately. Each small step toward emotional awareness is progress, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
Mantra: “Healing takes time, and I’m learning to experience my emotions in a new way. I am patient with myself as I grow.”
Final Thoughts:
The client’s feelings of being “possessed” by her emotions and experiencing them as foreign are rooted in the spiritual abuse she endured, where emotions were framed as divine messages rather than natural experiences. By validating her feelings, practicing grounding techniques, reclaiming ownership of her emotions, and working with a therapist to unpack the spiritual trauma, the client can begin to rebuild a healthier, more grounded relationship with her emotions. This process will take time, but with patience and support, she can learn to experience emotions as a natural, safe part of herself.
