Go Team Human!
Disclaimer & Context: I have made it a goal in March to write in my blog 5 days a week. My plan is to use my morning contemplative time to isolate a thought or idea I would like to flesh out a bit more and then write a blog about it. I’m not giving myself a lot of time to write the blog because this challenge isn’t about the quality of my writing. The goal of this challenge is to work on my conversion process of idea to blog. I have noticed I have dozens and dozens of insights and ideas every day but rarely do I flesh them out and share them. This is a challenge to help me strengthen that muscle. So it’s important you and I both know I’m not specifically trying to make these posts 100% true, educational, or helpful to you at all. If it’s any of that: frosting.
Last night I was watching some stuff on YouTube with Adam and the kiddo. I would LOVE to tell you what it was and include a link; alas, that requires more coordination than I feel like putting in.
The videos were basically this small band that plays old styles of music REALLY well. They upcycle some classic modern songs into older styles of music and then have a rotating guest singer to perform. It’s a brilliant and fun fusion! And the singers were AMAZING.
They were all dolled up in old-timey clothes (usually between 20’s and 50’s), dressed to the 9’s, and absolutely ON their performance game. It was mesmerizing to watch them do their thing. And, of course, with Marie Brain focused a lot on the non-singer since I’m always curious how people in the background act when they think they aren’t being focused on. It’s always amusing.
What I want to share is a moment of Deeply Knowing that happened while watching. What do I mean by that? What that means to me is it’s some kind of knowledge or belief you’ve associated yourself with for a while, whether you arrived to it on your own or inherited it from culture, and one day, something happens, and you feel the truth of it very deeply. I guess it becomes a belief/knowing that is now supported by intuitive experience. Maybe that doesn’t make entire sense, but I’m not trying to make perfect sense. This is the mind. We gotta fudge some of this stuff.
The Deep Knowing I felt was that there is a much different way of consuming entertainment or viewing those who are better than you in some way (and you know it and feel insecure about it). Because the truth is, Marie Brain feels really insufficient when we watch brilliant performers like those on this channel. It’s a multitude of their features that blend into all the ways I feel insufficient as a human. Whether I’m watching a 25 year old absolutely kill on the piano and I think, what have I been doing with my life,… he is doing better things with his life and he’s so much younger… I’m behind. Or whether I’m watching the Scandinavian singer who plays three trumpets at once whilst also rotating through a cast of a dozen instruments within just a half dozen measures of the song.
Shouldn’t I be more creatively accomplished? Shouldn’t I be painting the world with my bubbling soul by now? Shouldn’t I be able to let go of my sense of Self and perform/act for fun? Shouldn’t I be adorable and mesmerizing like these people?
If I’m honest, everyone I meet is a mirror for Subconscious Marie to project my insecurities onto. Whether I judge them positively and feel insufficient or whether I judge them negatively and I feel superior. I am always judging. Honestly, I don’t feel bad about that. I’m realizing how absolutely pointless and inherently destructive it is to feel bad about any which way your brain has become. For it to change, it needs compassion. So, no, I don’t feel bad about being insecure and judgmental. I do want to change it, though.
And yesterday while watching beautiful and talented people perform one after the other, that Deep Knowing sunk in:
Go Team Human!
I realized that I have nothing to compete with. We are all on the same team. Some communities would say “we are one” or other such phrases. I am realizing more and more that I didn’t really get to choose who I became. But I am choosing, now, to unlearn who I have become and tap into creative Self unfolding moment to moment. As I have begun to know myself better and assess my general nature over the last 39 years, I am so deeply impressed and delighted to be me. I am who I am. If I could have chosen, I probably wouldn’t have picked to be this. But who knows? Point is, it’s already too late,… I am me! And so is everyone else. And we all are incredibly gifted in our own ways.
Some are more obvious like singers or musicians. We ritualistically appreciate and support their talents within society. However, folks like myself (and others), have less obvious gifts or talents to share. But that’s even besides the point, too. My point is that we could change our entire philosophy of human social hierarchy and recognize that we don’t have to compete with anyone. I don’t have to be anything that I’m not. I don’t have to be the best piano player. I don’t have to be the best life coach. I don’t have to be the best philosopher. I don’t have to be the best housekeeper. I don’t have to be the best assistant. I don’t have to be the best human. I don’t have to be the best man-approved-woman-body of the year. Duh, this all sounds obvious. I know. But this is why I call it Deep Knowing. It’s not just a statement I am repeating to myself to be aligned with the right view within society, but it’s knowing that it really is true and healthy to understand our contribution to the portfolio of humanity is unique and valuable. Instead of asking ourselves whether we were extreme examples of what humanity deems best, maybe it makes more sense to realize you don’t have to be the best at anything. You are already part of the team. And we’re not really competing against anyone else. We’re just kind of … here. Together.
So I ask myself, am I proud of who I am? Am I proud of my abilities, my love, my creativity, my authenticity, my curiosity, and how it makes me so happy and how it will impact every human that I meet? Fuck yes, I am. I am a remarkable part of the human portfolio. And I can imagine now beholding others, not putting them on a pedestal nor degrading them, but seeing their truly beautiful human nature that is just theirs, even if it may be clouded by hurt.
