How You Deserved to Be Parented—And How to Give That to Yourself Now
How did I deserve to be parented?
That’s such a raw, profound question—and it deserves an honest answer. You deserved to be parented in a way that made you feel safe, valued, and loved exactly as you are. Every child does.
You deserved:
1. Safety and Security
A home where you didn’t feel afraid of rejection, punishment, or abandonment for being yourself.
Parents who created an environment where it was okay to make mistakes and learn without shame or fear.
2. Unconditional Love
Love that wasn’t dependent on your achievements, behavior, or faithfulness to someone else’s expectations.
Love that said, You are enough just by being you.
3. Validation of Your Feelings
Parents who acknowledged and respected your emotions instead of dismissing, ignoring, or minimizing them.
Someone who could sit with you when you were sad or scared and say, “That makes sense. I’m here for you.”
4. Space to Explore and Question
Freedom to ask “why” without fear of being shut down.
Room to discover your identity, beliefs, and desires without guilt or pressure to conform.
5. Respect for Your Autonomy
Parents who didn’t try to control or own you, but instead guided you gently toward independence.
Recognition that you were a person in your own right, not just an extension of them.
6. Consistency and Stability
Caregivers who were dependable and predictable, giving you a sense of grounding in the world.
Boundaries that were clear, fair, and made you feel secure, not trapped.
7. Encouragement of Joy and Curiosity
Adults who delighted in your existence and encouraged you to play, explore, and find joy without guilt.
Permission to be curious and excited about the world without fear of doing something “wrong.”
8. Healing When They Messed Up
Parents who modeled accountability by owning their mistakes and showing you that repair is possible.
Caregivers who apologized when they hurt you and made an effort to do better.
It sounds like you’re reflecting on how your parents fell short of giving you what you deserved—and that’s painful. But it’s also a way of seeing clearly what you needed and didn’t get, which is a crucial step toward healing.
Now, you get to parent yourself. You get to give yourself the love, respect, and safety you always deserved. And it’s not too late. You deserved better, and you deserve better now.
