A New Creation

I am thinking about blogging on a more regular basis. I am learning a lot these days and I haven't been writing about it as much as I'd like to. I suppose it's becausr I have crazy high standards for my content plus I don't believe in my own authority to talk about my own life experiences. As if I need someone to sign off on my blogs before I publish them. But I'm starting to changes my beliefs in that area.

Today I am experimenting with integrating morning rituals back into my life. I've always fought hard with creating and maintaining rituals and habits in my life. But I'm beginning to understand why. Traditionally I sought out those rituals and habits because I thought that if I did them, I would feel better through achieving (outwardly) the life that looks like what I think mine should look like. But all those efforts were based on fear. I've got a new kind of fuel running through my system these days. It's not the biggest amount of fuel that I have but it's certainly a welcome change. And that fuel is … well I am not sure how to name it yet, to be honest. But I know that these days when I look at the list of habits and rituals I want to integrate, I know WHY and I know why DEEPLY. I see these rituals as my practice and not as a cure. I can see how that my awareness and attention are contingent on practice and I haven't been able to practice as I've been in a dissociative blur for some time now. Now that I know there's another way to BE, I am more on board with these habits and rituals. I see how even being depressed, not wanting to do a ha it, and going through a shame spiral would be part of the practice. It's not about doing the behaviors themselves no matter the cost or resistance. Buts it's more about creating a recurring space and intention to enter into conversation and relationship with yourself. You could almost call it a devotional. #exvangelicalthrowback

So! More to come on this blog, I reckon. Bye.