Marie Reads An Article
So in these past nearly 3 years since I did shrooms and had my reality rocked, I have been cobbling together methods to continue learning and expanding (into what, I don’t know). One of these methods is using Google Alerts. I’ll read or watch something and hear a new term that I didn’t know about but feels very relevant to what I’m experiencing. So I’ll create a Google Alert for it. Then I’ll get articles related to that term. Those articles can be really informative and helpful and/or they expose me to new and better terms that I make more Google Alerts for. In this way, I’m custom designing my own “self-help”. But I have a hard time slowing down and really absorbing the articles because of my mind running a million miles an hour in fragments, fueled by pretty bad existential fear. So this post is my way of mitigating that anxiety by summarizing one of the articles I read so that it might embed a bit deeper into my nervous system.
Google Alert Term: "theory of self”
Article Name/link: “This One Weird Trick Will Help You Let Go of Control, Negative Self-Talk, and Perfectionism”
Summary:
“My journey to happiness has been about decluttering my life from emotional weeds, allowing joy and peace to blossom”
1. Surrendering the illusion of control
practice mindfulness, living each moment as it comes, rather than obsessing over the future.
acknowledge the uncertainties of life, not as frightening unknowns, but as exciting possibilities.
embrace the art of adaptability, accepting change as the only constant.
2. Bidding Farewell to Negative Self-Talk (feed your joy, love, and peace instead of anger, envy, and sorrow; positive self-belief plays a vital role in how we view and interact with the world)
daily positive affirmations
silence my inner critic and replace it with a cheerleader.
mistakes as opportunities to learn rather than as failures.
3. Break up with perfectionism
set realistic expectations and celebrate small victories
accept that being human means being imperfect, and that’s okay
making mistakes is not just acceptable, but necessary for growth
My Reflections
What do I honestly feel when I read these takeaways?
I don’t think I can remember to do all these things
I have terrifying depersonalized states I experience that are hard to get out of; I’m concerned about those and trying to “let go of control” when I’m in those states.
These are all nice ideas, but I feel like they’re just words on a screen. I don’t know how to get them into my heart/body.
I am feeling really resistant to ritual and self-care right now. I feel pessimistic about the possibility that I could integrate any of these practices into my life.
That all said, my concerns above are addressed through the practices outlined. The article emphasized taking small steps, so I don’t need to “remember to do all these things”. Regarding my depersonalized states, I think some positive self-talk, mindfulness, and seeing it as a space for growth could change how I interact with these states.
I also notice that a part of me really likes and resonates with all these values, but another part “just knows” that these are practices and states of mind that are “just inaccessible to me”. At least, that’s what the voices in my head say.
I feel a desire to put these, and any other great content I’ve come across, into art on the wall of my bedroom so I can emblazon the words into my head. But then I feel this wall in my brain, thinking, “I don’t feel like making art and my heart isn’t in it, so I just shouldn’t do it” which leads to “well, I guess I won’t do anything and just be paralyzed ongoing”.
Oofda.
