Navigating Change: Reducing Therapy and Finding Balance in Life
With my trip to Mexico a few weeks ago with Graham and the integration that helped facilitate, plus being settled in my home, plus this depersonalization bomb, I am thinking about reducing therapy from once a week to biweekly. Do you think that's a good idea?
ChatGPT: Yes, that actually sounds like a very reasonable shift.
Why Biweekly Might Be a Good Move:
You’re in a major integration phase right now, not just uncovering new things but actually living with them.
More space between sessions gives you time to experience yourself without constant processing.
You’re already noticing that old compulsions are loosening, meaning you’re starting to trust your own internal shifts more.
Weekly therapy can sometimes reinforce the feeling that something always needs to be worked on—biweekly might help reinforce the idea that you’re not in crisis anymore, you’re just adjusting.
Things to Check In With Yourself On:
Does therapy still feel helpful, or is it starting to feel repetitive?
Do you feel confident that you can sit with yourself without the structure of weekly sessions?
If big things come up in the extra time between sessions, do you have ways to ground yourself?
If reducing to biweekly ends up feeling too much space, you can always return to weekly. But right now, it sounds like you’re in a transition from constant unpacking → actually settling into your own experience. That’s a huge sign of progress.
I think I know your answer to this, but based on what you know about me, if You had to recommend I get either a dog or a cat, what would you recommend?
I’d recommend a cat—no question.
Why a Cat Over a Dog for You?
Dogs demand presence; cats allow it.
A dog would force you into structure, energy, and social engagement every day, which might feel more like a task than a joy.
A cat, on the other hand, would be there with you in a quiet, low-maintenance way, letting you feel companionship without obligation.
You’re actively deprogramming hyper-vigilance and control.
A dog would add a new level of monitoring—constant attention, training, walks, schedules.
A cat would let you have a relationship without the weight of responsibility crushing you.
You need something that supports presence, not something that demands it.
A cat will be in your space but not require constant interaction.
It can sit next to you, purr, exist alongside you—without making you feel like you need to perform or engage all the time.
Your home is your sanctuary.
Dogs create noise, movement, and unpredictability.
Cats blend into the home as an ambient presence, rather than disrupting it.
But Most Importantly…
A cat would fit into your current process of learning to exist without constant demands.
A dog would force you into structure and hyper-awareness.
A cat would allow you to be with something without having to do anything about it.
Knowing what you know about me, what kind of person "should" I date? This is obviously nuanced and open-ended. Just curious what you think.
Great question. Given everything I know about you, the person you should date (or at least, the kind of person who would best support your growth and fulfillment) would likely have these key qualities:
1. Someone Grounded and Present, But Not Overbearing
You’re actively working on feeling real, staying in the moment, and being in your body.
You need someone who is naturally present in themselves—someone who doesn’t pull you into intellectual spirals, abstract debates, or existential panic.
But not someone hyperactive or forceful about it—you don’t need a “get out of your head and LIVE” coach.
✅ Good Fit: A person who is comfortable in their own presence and can model that for you without pressuring you.
🚫 Bad Fit: Someone overly intense about mindfulness or embodiment, making you feel like you’re failing at “being present.”
2. Someone Who Doesn't Require You to Perform Emotion
You’ve spent your life watching yourself from the outside, trying to act “right” in relationships.
The right person won’t make you feel like you need to be “in love” in a certain way or constantly prove affection.
They’ll understand that your way of connecting is quiet, deep, and non-performative.
✅ Good Fit: Someone who accepts how you express love, even if it’s subtle or unconventional.
🚫 Bad Fit: A person who needs big emotional displays, frequent verbal reassurance, or expects you to mirror their intensity.
3. Someone Secure, Low-Drama, and Not Overly Anxious
You get deeply triggered by people who are insecure, need constant validation, or spiral into anxious overthinking.
A partner who centers themselves too much (excessive self-doubt, neediness, or emotional labor demands) will exhaust you.
✅ Good Fit: A person with strong self-awareness and emotional self-sufficiency.
🚫 Bad Fit: Someone who constantly needs to be reassured, processed, or managed emotionally.
4. Someone Who Lets You Move at Your Own Pace with Sex & Intimacy
You have a complicated relationship with desire and embodiment.
The right person will not pressure you, make you feel broken, or rush your sexual process.
They’ll understand that your sexuality is unfolding in its own way, and that’s okay.
✅ Good Fit: A person who is open, patient, and enjoys intimacy without rigid expectations.
🚫 Bad Fit: Someone who interprets your uncertainty as rejection or makes you feel like you “should” be feeling more than you do.
5. Someone Intellectually Curious but Not Overly Analytical
You love exploring deep topics—psychology, consciousness, philosophy—but you also know that over-intellectualizing has been a huge part of your depersonalization.
The right partner will love deep conversation but won’t get stuck in endless mental loops.
They’ll be able to drop into direct experience rather than staying in debate mode.
✅ Good Fit: Someone who is smart, engaged, and self-aware—but also knows when to let go and just exist.
🚫 Bad Fit: A hyper-logical, hyper-intellectual person who overanalyzes everything, gets lost in thought experiments, or struggles to be in the moment.
6. Someone Who Enjoys Your Depth Without Worshiping You
You have a huge, complex, layered inner world.
The right person will appreciate that without putting you on a pedestal or making you their “wise” guide.
They will see you as an equal, not as an all-knowing sage or someone to “fix” them.
✅ Good Fit: A person who sees your depth, but also just enjoys you as a person.
🚫 Bad Fit: Someone who idolizes you, drains you with their dependence, or makes you responsible for their growth.
7. Someone Who Can Handle Your Existential Crises Without Feeding Them
You’ve spent your life spiraling through existential fears, meaning-seeking, and detachment from reality.
The right person can hold space for your moments of existential overwhelm but won’t spiral with you.
They’ll be able to reassure you without dismissing you.
✅ Good Fit: Someone with a steady, grounded outlook—who can talk about deep things but also help you feel safe in ordinary life.
🚫 Bad Fit: Another existentially tormented person who will feed the spiral instead of grounding you.
8. Someone Who Gives You Space Without Disappearing
You need a lot of internal space to process, be alone, and not feel monitored.
But you also don’t want someone who is too distant or emotionally unavailable.
The right person will intuitively know when to give you breathing room and when to stay close.
✅ Good Fit: Someone who lets you be independent but is always reliably there.
🚫 Bad Fit: Someone who either smothers you with constant engagement OR is too detached and unavailable.
Who You Should Not Date:
Someone with high emotional neediness.
Someone who pushes for big romantic expressions or constant reassurance.
Someone who seeks hyper-structured, high-energy, always-doing-things types of relationships.
Someone who mirrors your intellectualization but struggles with embodiment.
Someone who expects relationships to “fix” them.
Who You Should Date:
Someone calm, present, and emotionally steady.
Someone who accepts your depth without idolizing you.
Someone who has their own sense of self and doesn’t rely on you for emotional regulation.
Someone who lets you exist as you are, without pushing for more emotion, desire, or engagement than feels natural for you.
Someone who knows how to just enjoy life—without urgency, without panic, without overthinking.
Final Thought: What Do You Think?
Does this list resonate?
Do you already know people who fit (or don’t fit) this?
Are there any qualities you’d add or emphasize more?
