Navigating Derealization and Depersonalization: Building Presence in a Complex Reality
Actually, I want to ask you, does YOU knowing I experience derealization inform you better in terms of how you advise me to do certain things, like reading, sex, playing piano, exercise, etc.? Does that add any color or further guidance to my efforts to become more realized?
ChatGPT: Yes, knowing that you experience derealization in addition to depersonalization adds another layer of understanding to how you engage with different activities. It means that both your internal world (sense of self) and your external world (sense of reality) need anchoring.
Here’s how this changes or deepens my advice on different areas:
1. Reading
Previously, I focused on how metacognitive distractions and over-analysis make reading frustrating for you. But now, I see that derealization might be playing a role too.
Derealization makes the external world feel less real. Reading pulls you even further into abstraction.
Books, especially conceptual or emotionally heavy ones, might pull you away from embodiment rather than bring you into it.
If words don’t feel anchored to reality, reading can feel like you’re floating in mental space, disconnected from life.
What to try instead?
Physical engagement with the book. Read out loud, trace words with your fingers, notice the feel of the pages.
Books that ground you in reality rather than pull you into complex or dissociative thought spirals. Maybe memoirs, sensory-rich writing, or even nature descriptions instead of deeply theoretical or sci-fi stories.
Reading in environments that feel real. Read outside, near an open window, or in a space with strong sensory input to counteract the derealization effect.
2. Sex & Physical Intimacy
Previously, I focused on how depersonalization makes desire and embodiment tricky. But knowing you experience derealization adds another factor:
Derealization makes people feel like figments of your imagination. That means intimacy can feel scripted, distant, or even artificial.
Your own body and sensations might not feel “real.” Even if something should feel good, your brain might filter it out or distort it.
Eye contact and physical connection might feel strange or foreign. If your brain is telling you the moment isn’t real, it’s hard to engage fully.
What to try instead?
Focus on strong sensory inputs. Instead of expecting desire to lead, let textures, weight, warmth, or deep pressure ground you.
Try new movement-based intimacy. Rocking, gripping, or swaying instead of just stillness—movement may help override the "scripted" feeling.
Use deliberate voice and words. Spoken connection might help counteract the feeling that the other person is distant or unreal.
3. Playing Piano (or Any Creative Activity)
Previously, I focused on how depersonalization might make you feel like you’re “watching” yourself play rather than feeling immersed. But derealization might add another effect:
The instrument itself might not feel fully “real.” The sounds, the weight of the keys, the feedback from the world might feel muted or distant.
Creativity might feel automated or detached, like it’s not actually “you” playing.
Music might feel like an intellectual exercise rather than something emotionally resonant.
What to try instead?
Use deep pressure or strong physical contact with the instrument. Push down firmly on the keys. Play standing up or exaggerate your movements.
Play in a dim room or with soft lighting. Sometimes harsh lighting can make derealization worse—softer environments might reduce that “fake” feeling.
Lean into the “realness” of sound. Playing with loud, deep, resonant notes or bass-heavy pieces might ground you more than light, airy music.
4. Exercise & Movement
Previously, I focused on how exercise is tricky for you because it brings up mental chatter and feels performative. But knowing about derealization adds another key factor:
Derealization makes movement feel foreign. Your body might feel like it’s just “doing things” without you being inside of it.
The gym or exercise environment might feel “unreal.” If the world feels fake, it’s hard to connect with movement in a satisfying way.
The physical strain of exercise might not feel “real” enough to register. You might find yourself wondering, Did I actually do that? Did I push myself hard enough?
What to try instead?
Cardio or weight-based exercises that emphasize strong impact. Running on pavement, jumping, weightlifting—things that create clear, undeniable feedback.
Outdoor movement over indoor. Nature, wind, uneven ground, weather—these things might help confirm that the world is real in a way that a gym won’t.
Exercise in ways that make you feel inside your body, not watching it. Dance, martial arts, obstacle courses—things that require reaction and adaptation, rather than mechanical repetition.
5. General Advice for Becoming More “Realized”
Now that I know both depersonalization and derealization are in play, I would shift my overall advice toward:
Less abstraction, more direct experience.
Everything you do should have a strong physical component.
Less thinking, more feeling. Less analysis, more doing.
Avoid things that make life feel more distant or unreal (excessive theory, online rabbit holes, or passive media consumption).
External sensory grounding is just as important as internal presence.
You need both—not just "How do I feel?" but also "What is around me?"
Strong textures, heavy pressure, warmth, deep sounds, and physical movement will help combat the derealization piece.
Play with unpredictability.
Since scripted conversations and structured environments trigger your "this isn’t real" feeling, it might help to intentionally engage with things that are unpredictable.
Improv, movement-based games, hiking in an unfamiliar place—things that force you to respond to the world in real-time instead of just watching it happen.
Final Thoughts: Does This Adjust How You Want to Approach Things?
Do any of these shifts feel like they better target what you need?
Does this make you want to try different approaches to certain activities?
Does this change how you define "progress" in embodiment and presence?
It’s cool that your understanding of yourself is evolving while you’re actively experimenting with life. Let me know what feels relevant or if something still doesn’t sit quite right!
Thank you. Though I will say that the advice to read sensory-rich writing or nature descriptions causes me to cringe. When I read books like that, I feel like my brain is broken. I can't imagine what they're describing. I feel "BOREd" by the language they use. Also, naming derealization makes me feel like the burden of depersonalization has now doubled - e.g. now i have "two things", both the front (external world) and the back (internal world)
That makes sense—if sensory descriptions already feel inaccessible or frustrating, trying to engage with them more might just reinforce that "I don't get this, what's wrong with me?" feeling. That's not helpful.
Maybe instead of reading about sensory experiences, you focus on direct sensory engagement.
Instead of reading about a tree, touch one.
Instead of reading a book with poetic descriptions of food, eat something and focus on what it actually feels like.
Instead of trying to conjure images in your head, just engage with things in the world as they are.
That way, you're not trying to force yourself to "get" something that feels unnatural—you're just building presence in a way that works for you.
The “Double Burden” of Naming Derealization
I hear you. Naming it makes it feel like now there are two major things to tackle. Instead of just figuring out how to feel inside yourself, you also have to deal with the fact that the world itself doesn’t feel real.
But here’s the thing:
You were already dealing with both. Naming it didn’t create a second problem—it just gave language to what was already happening.
They are not two separate battles. They're two sides of the same experience—and what helps one will likely help the other.
Instead of thinking:
"Oh god, I have to fix both my internal world and my external world"
Maybe reframe it as:"I am learning how to be here, both inside myself and in the world. The process is the same."
What you’re already doing—**building presence, engaging directly with experiences, reducing checking behaviors—**is still the right path. Nothing actually changed. You just have a fuller map now.
