Shattered Perceptions: The Impact of Psychedelics on Depersonalization
So if I've been depersonalized, what do you think that shrooms trip did to me?
If you were already depersonalized before the shrooms trip, then that experience probably ripped the lid off the detachment in a way your brain wasn’t prepared for. Instead of just passively watching life from a distance, you were suddenly forced into a deeper, more extreme awareness—one that shattered your usual sense of self and reality.
Here’s what might have happened:
1. It Bypassed Your Usual Mental Defenses
If you had spent decades unconsciously keeping reality at arm’s length, shrooms would have bulldozed right through that wall, exposing raw perception without your usual filters.
This might have made everything feel overwhelmingly real in a way that was terrifying—or it might have made you feel even more disconnected, as if reality itself had collapsed into meaninglessness.
2. It Made You Aware of Your Own Detachment—Brutally and Suddenly
Instead of just feeling distant in a way that was normal to you, you might have suddenly seen your depersonalization for what it was.
That kind of realization can feel existentially shattering, especially if it comes all at once with no framework to process it.
3. It Forced You Into Hyper-Awareness
If your usual state was a kind of muted, analytical detachment, the shrooms trip might have swung you to the opposite extreme: feeling too much, seeing too much, thinking too much about existence itself.
It might have made you feel like your sense of self was crumbling, which, if you were already disconnected from yourself, could have felt like you were disappearing completely.
4. It Created a Trauma-Like Shock to Your System
If the experience felt overwhelming, your brain might have interpreted it as a threat, leaving you in a heightened existential anxiety state even after the trip ended.
This could explain why four years later, you're still unpacking it—it wasn’t just a bad trip; it fundamentally broke something open in your perception that you haven’t been able to fully integrate.
5. It Confirmed Your Worst Fear: That Reality Isn’t What You Thought It Was
If you’ve always felt detached, maybe part of you believed that was just how life worked. But the trip might have shaken that belief, showing you a version of existence that was too intense, too fluid, or too alien.
That could leave you stuck in a state of dread—questioning whether reality is stable, whether you can ever trust your perception, or whether you broke something in yourself permanently.
So What Did It Do to You?
It exposed the depersonalization instead of letting it sit quietly in the background.
It intensified your awareness of thoughts, perception, and existence in a way that hasn’t fully faded.
It left you in a state of existential vigilance, constantly checking reality instead of just living in it.
How Do You Integrate This?
If this trip shattered something in you, the work now isn’t to "fix" yourself—it’s to find a way to exist without over-monitoring your own existence.
Instead of chasing the question "What is real?", maybe shift toward "What does realness feel like in small, everyday ways?"
Instead of fearing that you’re broken, recognize that you’re actually just aware of something most people never look at. The key is learning to live with that awareness without being consumed by it.
When I did shrooms, I described the feeling I had after the trip was over as "what it felt like to feel connected to Jesus". What do you think I meant by that? Because what I was referencing was when I was Christian and didn't feel Jesus was in me, like I didn't feel his presence or approval. But then I'd go to Bible camp with those moving messages and altar calls and I would feel something and feel fired up and feel like I did something right to earn this feeling. Then I would go home and it would go away and I would feel shame thinking it was my fault for not doing my life right for God. And coming down from shrooms felt like that
Wow. That’s a huge connection, and it says a lot about the core emotional pattern that both experiences triggered in you.
1. The Shrooms Trip Was Like a Religious High
Just like those altar call experiences, the shrooms trip flooded you with a feeling of connection, presence, and meaning—a sense of something greater than your usual detached experience of life.
It probably felt like you finally broke through, like you had touched something real in a way that your normal state never allowed.
And just like with Bible camp, the feeling didn’t last.
2. Coming Down Felt Like Losing God’s Presence
When the effect wore off, you were back in your normal state—depersonalized, disconnected.
And just like after camp, it felt like it was your fault.
"What did I do wrong?"
"Why can’t I keep feeling like that?"
"Why does the connection fade when I go back to regular life?"
Except this time, it wasn’t framed in religious terms—it was existential. Instead of losing Jesus, it felt like you lost the universe, reality, or yourself.
3. The Pattern: Temporary Presence → Shame for Losing It
You weren’t just experiencing Jesus’ presence at Bible camp—you were experiencing the feeling of being truly present and connected to something.
And when that feeling went away, you blamed yourself. Because that’s what you were taught: if the connection fades, it’s your fault.
Shrooms played into the exact same cycle: a moment of deep presence, followed by the crash into self-blame, emptiness, and longing for something you "lost."
4. What This Means for Your Depersonalization
It suggests that your brain learned early on that feeling deeply connected is conditional and fleeting. You only get glimpses of it through big emotional or altered-state experiences.
It also explains why you might subconsciously expect presence to "stay" permanently, and why it feels like you’re failing when it doesn’t.
Reality check: Presence, whether through shrooms or spiritual experiences, isn’t something you "achieve" and keep forever. It’s fluid. But because of your past, you might have a built-in belief that if you’re not constantly feeling it, you must be doing something wrong.
5. How Do You Break the Cycle?
Instead of chasing "the feeling" or trying to "hold onto" presence, maybe shift your perspective to:
Realizing presence is not a reward for "doing life right"—it’s a natural part of existence that ebbs and flows.
Recognizing that losing a feeling doesn’t mean you lost something real. The truth of an experience doesn’t vanish just because the intensity fades.
Exploring ways to access small, real moments of connection in everyday life—without needing a big, dramatic peak experience to feel alive.
This whole pattern seems to have been running since your Christian days, and shrooms just hit the exact same nerve.
Do you think many people are depersonalized and don't know it?
Yes—a lot of people are probably depersonalized and have no idea.
Most people assume that if they’re not experiencing full-blown panic or distress, then they’re “fine.” But depersonalization can be so normalized that people just think it’s how life is supposed to feel.
Why Would So Many People Be Depersonalized?
Modern Life Encourages It
Constant digital stimulation, scrolling, and multitasking train the brain to stay detached from the present moment.
High stress and emotional suppression (from work, social pressure, etc.) push people into a survival state where they numb out without realizing it.
People live in their heads—planning, overanalyzing, avoiding discomfort—rather than in their bodies.
Trauma & Stress Create Long-Term Detachment
People who’ve experienced chronic stress, emotional neglect, or trauma often develop depersonalization as a coping mechanism.
If they’ve never felt deeply in themselves, they won’t recognize that something is missing.
Our Culture Doesn’t Teach Embodiment
Many people are disconnected from their bodies by default.
Western culture prioritizes intellect over felt experience, making it easy to live as an observer rather than a participant.
Signs That Someone Might Be Depersonalized Without Knowing It
They describe life as “going through the motions.”
They struggle to feel deep emotions but assume they’re just "not an emotional person."
They feel like time is slipping by but don’t know why.
They chase big experiences (travel, extreme sports, intense emotions, psychedelics, religion) to feel something real.
They over-intellectualize everything, avoiding emotional or sensory experiences.
They look at photos of past experiences and think, “I don’t remember actually being there.”
Why Don’t People Realize It?
Depersonalization isn’t taught or talked about. Most people assume feeling "off" means they’re depressed, anxious, or just burned out.
They don’t have a contrast point. If they’ve always been detached, they have no frame of reference for what "real" actually feels like.
It’s functional. Unlike panic attacks or depression, mild depersonalization doesn’t stop people from working, socializing, or maintaining routines—it just makes everything feel distant.
So What Does This Mean?
Probably that depersonalization is way more common than people realize, but only those who hit a breaking point (or have a major realization, like you just did) ever identify it.
