Why Can’t I Just Read? Metacognition, Distraction, and the Struggle to Slow Down
So I've talked to you quite a bit about my metacognition and awakening to my emotions. So now I have a lot of free time in my day because I've purchased a home and I'm financially stable and I'm living alone for the first time in my life. And I've deleted social media and streaming apps and I've made my life have less distractions. What I ideate that I would like to do with my free time is read. But there's something that's happening with my mind when I read where I'm getting really distracted and I think it's more metacognition. Do you have advice?
Yeah, this sounds like a mix of metacognition getting in the way and maybe some residual resistance to deep engagement with a single task. Your brain has been trained to juggle a million things at once, and now that you're creating space, it's hyper-aware of how you're engaging instead of just engaging.
Here are some things that might help:
Lower the stakes – Instead of thinking, "I’m going to read," think, "I’m going to look at this book for a while." If your brain knows it’s allowed to drift, it might actually settle in.
Try reading out loud – This engages more of your senses and can help ground you in the moment.
Use a physical placeholder – Move a finger under the words as you read. It gives your mind something gentle to focus on besides the meta-awareness.
Set a tiny goal – Like one paragraph. If your brain interrupts, let it, but then go back and read another paragraph.
Experiment with a different format – Audiobooks, reading on an e-reader, or even switching between books can sometimes trick your brain out of hyper-awareness.
Mindfully redirect without judgment – When you catch yourself analyzing your reading experience instead of absorbing it, gently return without frustration. “Oh, I got caught up in that thought. Back to the story.”
Pair reading with another activity – Like drinking tea, sitting outside, or listening to instrumental music. This can create a little ritual that eases your mind into focus.
I think I also feel residual pressure from education and work to have to comprehend everything that I'm reading, track themes, etc. but often when I'm reading, the content upsets and confuses me. Like I'm reading a book on emotional intimacy and some basic words they use like passion confuses me because I don't how to identify that within myself and it starts a spiral of panic that I don't know the basic building blocks of life, emotion. But meanwhile if I read something like sci Fi, that can be triggering too because I don't understand the science, the strange new words and names feel made up and I can't track them, and I feel like my imagination doesn't work. And the sci Fi stories scare me. Anything with danger scares me. Probably reminding me of my mortality and of the cluster fuck of the human race for centuries
That makes a lot of sense. It sounds like reading is triggering layers of pressure—both intellectual (feeling like you should understand everything) and emotional (feeling confronted by things you don’t have easy access to, whether it’s emotions or complex world-building). No wonder it spirals.
Here are some ways to loosen the grip of those reactions:
Let yourself skim – Who says you have to deeply process every word? Skimming can help you engage without feeling overwhelmed by every concept or sentence.
Reframe confusion as normal – You’re not failing at reading if something doesn’t immediately make sense. Even people who study emotions or physics for a living encounter things they don’t get. Instead of thinking, “I don’t know this, so I’m lost,” try, “Oh, interesting. I don’t know this yet.”
Notice and name the reaction – When you hit a word like “passion” and panic starts, try thinking: “Okay, my brain is flagging this because it feels like a gap. That’s okay. I don’t have to define this right now.” The key is giving yourself permission to not resolve it instantly.
Try books that don’t demand as much emotional or intellectual processing – Maybe something lighter, humorous, or even non-narrative (like nature writing, poetry, or short essays). Books that feel less like a “test.”
Read for sensation, not analysis – Instead of trying to understand everything, notice the feeling of the sentences. Does the writing flow smoothly? Are there words that sound cool? What does it feel like to read this, separate from the content?
Choose books that don’t trigger mortality panic – If sci-fi feels existentially heavy, maybe try fantasy or something more grounded. You don’t have to enjoy sci-fi just because it’s interesting in theory.
Let yourself put books down – You don’t owe a book completion. If something isn’t working, swap it for something else. Reading should be an exploration, not a performance.
Another difficult thing is this feeling I have, now that I've slowed down my life, that there is so much time. I don't know what to do with this time. It's not a matter of just doing something but this sense of being lost without someone telling me what to do, me telling me what to do, having something to struggle for. Not being busy creates a lot of silence but my head isn't
Yeah, I get it. You’ve removed the external noise, but now there’s this void—a big, open space where the structure used to be. And instead of feeling peaceful, it’s unsettling. Because for so long, being busy, struggling, or having a task list gave you a sense of direction, even if it was exhausting.
This is a weird and uncomfortable transition, but it’s also a huge opportunity to learn how to be without needing to do all the time. Here are a few ways to approach it:
Acknowledge the discomfort without rushing to fix it – This feeling of aimlessness is real and makes sense. You’re used to being guided by deadlines, responsibilities, and external pressures. Of course, it feels like you don’t know what to do without that.
Experiment with gentle structure – Instead of rigid goals, try soft rituals:
A morning walk, just to be in your body.
A loose daily rhythm (e.g., "I'll read in the morning, move my body in the afternoon, explore something creative in the evening").
Something totally new, like learning a skill with no productivity attached.
Let yourself wander mentally – If your brain wants to spiral, give it a sandbox. Try journaling out the thoughts that come up. Let yourself explore ideas, philosophies, even random daydreams, without trying to land on an answer.
Lean into sensation, not just thought – You're probably spending a lot of time in your head, but your body exists in this slow time too. Maybe there’s something grounding in noticing textures, sounds, or movement—engaging with being instead of analyzing what you should be doing.
Consider small “pointless” projects – Not work, not self-improvement—just stuff that engages you. Rearranging a space, doodling, cooking something new, deep-diving into a random topic just because.
See what emerges – Right now, it sounds like there’s a pressure to figure out what to do with all this time. But maybe the answer isn’t in deciding—it’s in discovering by allowing the space to stay open and seeing where your curiosity naturally leads.
You don’t have to rush to fill this time. You’re in a shift, and part of the shift is learning how to exist without being driven by external or internal demands.
