10 Qualities

Things continue to evolve pretty quickly over here. The last two days have felt significantly clarifying. Like,… that I’m beginning to rebuild a sense of Self after feeling (unconsciously) disembodied for decades and consciously disembodied since I found out I had ADHD in October 2021. My understanding about what “I” am has crumbled to bits and it’s taken a bit for a new concept to develop. The in between time was rough.

Anyways, I see a posture specialist and that’s a whole other conversation in and of itself. But I saw her because my posture was bothering me. I know that I hunch forward and I have some recurring types of pain that I’ve never really addressed. So I’ve been seeing her, but these appointments end up being more than just posture work. Last Friday, when she was working out some tension in my neck and muscles, I was hit by this unexpected crying. I am not 100% what was behind it organically when it started, but as I responded to it, what I rationalized about it was that I’ve been doing a lot of work getting to know my mind again and trying to clean up all the psychological and physical barriers I’d put into place over all these years. Feeling my body and mind open up and feeling the release of years of stress… well, you’d cry, too.

Yesterday at my appointment, she gave me an assignment to write down 10 positive qualities about myself. I think she thought I would find it hard. I haven’t written them yet (at this moment), but I feel like it shouldn’t be terribly hard. After all, my self-esteem is at an all-time high due to figuring out what Self is and understanding my struggles throughout the years, realizing that how I adapted in the face of it all was incredibly resilient and strong. Long-term, not healthy, but what can you do when you have to stuff the pains into the shadows? You can’t see them anymore. But isn’t the very idea of shadows (unconscious repression) beautiful in a way? It’s clearly adaptive. Anyways, I’m getting off track. That happens when I start going on about non-duality, my newest favorite topic. So, without further ado, my 10 top positive qualities:

1. Courageous

2. Creative

3. Self-Possessed

4. Innovative

5. Adaptive

6. Observant

7. Intuitive

8. Truth-oriented (once I understand something, I waste no time in protecting my ego; time to change!)

9. Organized

10. Peaceful

Yup. I was right. That was easy. Had to stop from writing more. :)