Alone in My Space: Navigating the Shadows of Freedom and Stability
Today has been really really hard. I didn't expect to feel this badly after I moved into my own home. I thought having freedom, stability, and my own space would calm my mind. But instead my fears of death and abandonment are coming up and I feel an urge to cut off everyone who loves me because they aren't really loving me (so says my brain). And I just desperately want someone here but another part of me knows that I would not feel better but distracted if someone were here.
ChatGPT: It sounds like today has been overwhelming, and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It makes sense that moving into your own home, which you saw as a safe haven, might bring up deeper fears now that you’re alone with your thoughts. Freedom and stability can create space for unresolved fears—like death and abandonment—to surface, and that can be really hard to sit with.
The urge to cut off everyone you love might be your protective part trying to shield you from potential hurt or rejection. It sounds like it’s questioning the authenticity of others’ love as a way to guard against pain. At the same time, your desire for someone’s presence reflects the longing for connection and comfort. But as you’ve pointed out, distraction might not be what you need right now.
What you’re experiencing is deeply complex, and it’s okay to feel all of this at once. Maybe start small—can you allow yourself to feel just one of these emotions without trying to fix or escape it? Or even speak kindly to yourself in this storm, knowing it’s okay to need and want, to fear and resist, all at the same time.
If you’d like, we can talk more about what these feelings are saying or how you can create some grounding moments for yourself today.
If this was a class, what would the assignment be? Like, how many hours am I supposed to put into this "feel your feelings" thing if I want to get psychological gains and relief?
If this were a class, the assignment might look something like this:
Assignment: Emotional Awareness and Processing
Objective: Develop emotional resilience by allowing space for feelings to emerge, observing them, and practicing non-judgmental presence.
Time Commitment:
Daily Practice: 10–20 minutes of dedicated "feeling time."
Extended Deep Dive: 1–2 hours per week for intentional self-reflection or emotional processing (e.g., journaling, meditating, or talking aloud).
Steps:
Create a Safe Container
Choose a quiet space where you won’t be interrupted.
Set a timer (start with 10 minutes and extend as you’re ready).
Decide on a grounding technique to close the session (e.g., deep breaths, physical movement).
Tune In
Sit with your body and notice sensations (tightness, warmth, heaviness).
Acknowledge what feelings are present without trying to categorize or change them.
If thoughts arise, observe them like clouds passing—gently bring focus back to your feelings.
Engage with Curiosity
Ask gentle questions: “What am I feeling right now?” “Where is this coming from?”
Allow answers to emerge without forcing them.
Express or Record
Write down or speak out what you’re noticing (stream of consciousness works!).
Focus on the experience, not the solutions.
Close with Care
End with something grounding: a self-compassionate phrase, stretching, or reminding yourself this work is enough.
Expected Gains:
Gradual release of emotional tension.
Increased capacity to sit with discomfort.
Clearer understanding of underlying fears and patterns.
Think of it like strength training—small, consistent efforts compound over time. Even just a few minutes a day can make a difference. Relief may not be instant, but the work helps build your tolerance and understanding of what’s happening internally.
This is cool. One concern I have is that when I sit for feeling, I'll use my attention and intention to guide myself to feel and notice feeling and then I'll get into a thought loop of trying to remember or isolate what it is that feeling is let alone what kind of feeling it is. It's like multiple people trying to talk at the same time.
That’s such a valid concern—it sounds like your mind is trying to help but ends up crowding the space with too many voices. That’s common when sitting with feelings, especially if you're naturally introspective or prone to overanalyzing. Here are some ways to navigate this:
1. Anchor Yourself in the Present
When it feels like multiple "voices" are competing, focus on something tangible in the moment:
Body Sensations: What’s happening physically (e.g., tightness in your chest, warmth in your hands)?
Breath Awareness: Feel the air moving in and out, anchoring your attention there before returning to feelings.
2. Simplify the Approach
Rather than identifying or isolating feelings, try this:
Label Broadly: Stick to basics like "pleasant," "unpleasant," or "neutral." You don’t need to pinpoint exact emotions (e.g., “This feels heavy” is enough).
Use Imagery: Imagine feelings as shapes, colors, or weather patterns. For example: "This feels like a gray cloud" or "a jagged rock."
3. Treat the Thought Loop as Part of the Process
When thoughts about the feeling arise (e.g., “What am I feeling? Am I doing this right?”), acknowledge them gently:
Try saying: “Ah, that’s the part of me trying to figure it out. Thank you for caring.”
Return your focus to how the thought feels in your body (e.g., tight, restless, calm).
4. Use Guided Prompts
If multiple "voices" make it overwhelming, guide yourself with a simple question at a time:
“What’s the loudest feeling here right now?”
“If this feeling could speak, what would it say?”
“What’s one thing I can let go of trying to figure out right now?”
5. Set a "No Pressure" Intention
Instead of aiming for deep understanding, frame the session as just showing up:
"I’m here to listen, even if it’s messy or unclear.”
"Whatever comes up is enough for today."
My brain is worried and guarded about thinking I'm being asked to meditate and I have a very painful history with attempting to meditate
Thank you for sharing that—it's important to honor where you are with this. Let’s frame this work in a way that feels safe and accessible for you.
Instead of thinking about it as meditation, we can approach it as “giving yourself time to notice” or “listening without fixing.” It’s not about quieting the mind or reaching any particular state—it’s about showing up for yourself in a way that feels supportive.
We can also find non-traditional ways to engage with your feelings, like:
Moving your body to explore sensations and emotions (e.g., stretching or dancing).
Journaling thoughts without editing them.
Using creative outlets like drawing or playing with colors to represent what you're feeling.
Would it be possible to do Listen Without Fixing as an interactive journaling process I do with you?
Absolutely, we can turn this into an interactive journaling process. Here's how it might work:
You Share Freely: Write what you're feeling, sensing, or thinking—without worrying about clarity or structure. It doesn’t have to make sense.
I Reflect and Hold Space: I’ll reflect back what I hear, ask gentle questions, or offer observations that help you stay connected to what’s coming up without pushing for solutions.
Stay Curious Together: We’ll keep the focus on exploration, not fixing. If it feels like we’re straying into over-analysis or problem-solving, we can pause and reset.
Think of it as a safe container where I can gently guide the flow without steering it.
Maybe I can turn on my Otter app to record anything I say while sitting and listening to my self. Then I could feed that transcript to you to help me get clarity
That’s a brilliant idea! Recording yourself while sitting and listening could help capture your thoughts and feelings in real time without the pressure of structuring them. Then, sharing the transcript with me allows us to collaboratively process and explore what came up.
Here’s how we could approach it:
Set a Gentle Intention for Your Recording Session:
For example, “I’m here to notice what’s present,” or “I’m allowing space for whatever needs to surface.”
Record Freely:
Speak whatever comes to mind, even if it feels messy or incomplete. If thoughts loop or emotions feel overwhelming, that’s okay—just let it flow.
Share the Transcript Here:
Once you’ve finished, share as much of the transcript as you’re comfortable with, and we’ll work through it together.
Interactive Reflection:
I can help by identifying themes, asking questions, or helping you make sense of patterns without judgment or pressure to fix anything.
