Unwanted Sexual Comments on Tinder: Normal or a Red Flag?

When I am talking to men on Tinder, they seem to immediately make sexual leads at me. Like, I told them I was going to go get dinner and they said, go get dinner and then have me for dessert, which is a sexual overture. And that makes me feel really unsafe, but I'm kind of confused about whether that's normal behavior if you're on Tinder, or if people are supposed to get consent before they make sexual suggestions to you. Or if people make sexual suggestions to you without your invitation for it, is that indicative of them being an unsafe person?

ChatGPT: It’s understandable that such comments can make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, especially if they feel uninvited or too forward. Let's unpack this step by step:

1. Consent and Boundaries:

   • Ideally, people should gauge interest and establish a level of trust before making sexual suggestions, especially in an online setting where tone and intent can easily be misinterpreted.

   • Consent isn’t just about physical acts—it extends to conversations. A respectful person will typically test the waters subtly or ask if you’re comfortable discussing sexual topics before making overt comments.

2. Tinder Culture:

   • Tinder has a reputation for being a mix of intentions—some people use it for hookups, while others seek meaningful relationships. Unfortunately, some users assume that everyone is open to sexual banter, leading to comments like the one you experienced.

   • This behavior is not "normal" in the sense of being universally acceptable, but it is common on platforms like Tinder. It reflects more on them than on you.

3. Indicators of Safety:

   • Making unsolicited sexual comments can be a red flag for how someone might approach boundaries in general. It suggests they might prioritize their desires over making you feel comfortable or respected.

   • While this doesn’t automatically label them as unsafe, it does suggest they may not be attentive to or respectful of your boundaries, which could lead to unsafe dynamics.

4. What You Can Do:

   • Communicate Boundaries: If you’re comfortable, you can respond by setting a boundary: “I’m not comfortable with sexual comments this early. I prefer to get to know someone first.”

   • Assess Their Reaction: How they respond to your boundary will tell you a lot. A respectful person will apologize and adjust their approach. Someone who dismisses or doubles down on the sexual remarks may not be worth your time.

   • Trust Your Feelings: If something feels off, it’s okay to unmatch or stop engaging. You don’t owe anyone your comfort or time, especially if they make you feel unsafe.

Ultimately, you deserve conversations that make you feel respected and valued. If someone isn’t capable of that, they’re not a good match for you, regardless of how common their behavior might be on Tinder.