Dr. Gpt, What Is the Self?
Me: How would you explain to this client what the Self is given their history of spiritual abuse?
Dr. Gpt: Given the client’s history of spiritual abuse, where they were likely taught harmful narratives about themselves and internal experiences (such as their body being wicked or thoughts being from God or the devil), explaining the concept of the “Self” in a way that feels safe and empowering is crucial. The idea of a "true self" may have been distorted by religious messages that emphasized control, sin, or external judgment, so I would approach this explanation gently, steering clear of spiritual or religious language that could be triggering.
Here’s how I would explain the Self in a trauma-informed, non-spiritual way:
**“In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we talk about the ‘Self’ as the core part of you that is not tied to any of the difficult thoughts, emotions, or experiences you’ve had. It’s not a voice from outside of you, nor is it something you have to earn or find—it’s already within you. Your Self is the part of you that is calm, curious, and compassionate. It’s the part of you that, when you're feeling centered, can respond to life's challenges with wisdom and kindness, rather than fear or judgment.
Think of the Self as your most grounded and wise self. It’s not influenced by the harsh voices that might tell you that you’re behind, unworthy, or bad. It’s that quiet, steady part of you that knows you’re doing your best, even when things are hard.
It’s important to know that the Self is always there, even when you can’t feel it or when other parts of you, like fear or shame, are loud. The Self isn’t about perfection, being sinless, or fulfilling certain rules. It’s simply the part of you that can approach your thoughts and emotions with understanding rather than criticism. The Self isn’t something external; it’s a reflection of your own inner strength and ability to heal.
In IFS, the goal isn’t to get rid of any part of you, but to allow your Self to lead—to be the calm, caring part that listens to all of your other parts (like the part that feels afraid or the part that feels behind). When you connect with the Self, you’re able to approach these parts with love and curiosity instead of fear. This is how healing happens—not by fighting the thoughts or emotions, but by creating a space of kindness and understanding for all of them.
You are not divided into good or bad, and there’s nothing wicked about you. Your Self is your core goodness, your inner strength, and your deepest compassion. And the more we can help you connect with that part of yourself, the more you’ll be able to live from a place of peace and balance, even when difficult thoughts or feelings arise.”**
Key Elements in This Explanation:
Avoid Religious Language: I consciously avoid any spiritual or religious terms that might remind the client of their past abuse. Instead, I use everyday terms like "calm," "curiosity," "compassion," and "kindness" to describe the Self.
Emphasize Safety: I stress that the Self is safe, non-judgmental, and already within them. This helps counteract any fear that the Self might be an external force that needs to be judged or evaluated.
Normalize Their Experience: By acknowledging that it’s okay if they can’t always feel connected to the Self and that the Self is always there, I create space for the client to be kind to themselves, especially in moments of distress.
Focus on Inner Strength: Instead of suggesting that the Self is something they need to achieve or become (which could trigger feelings of inadequacy or failure), I emphasize that it’s a core part of their being, always available, representing their inherent goodness and strength.
Non-Dualistic Language: I explicitly avoid any framing that might suggest a good versus bad dichotomy, which could echo the spiritual abuse they endured. Instead, I present the Self as part of their natural inner world, not as something outside them or imposed by external forces.
This approach offers the client a way to see the Self as a safe, compassionate, and empowering part of their own being, untainted by past abuse. It helps reframe the internal world as a place of potential healing and strength, rather than a source of fear or shame.
If you’re interested in being notified of upcoming Dr. Gpt conversations, subscribe below!
