Feeling Behind w/Dr. Gpt
Me:
What advice would you give to this client who is also struggling to focus when they read because they are distracted by other thoughts in their head that have to do with feeling like they are behind on understanding the world, that their life was wasted, that they'll never catch up, etc.?
Dr. Gpt:
For a client who struggles to focus on reading due to intrusive thoughts about feeling behind in life, wasting time, or fearing they’ll never catch up, the combination of intrusive thoughts and a sense of existential distress can be overwhelming. Here’s some advice I would offer to help manage this experience:
1. Acknowledge the Pain and Validity of Their Feelings
First, I would validate the emotions behind these thoughts. Feeling behind in life, fearing wasted time, or having anxiety about catching up are all common struggles, especially for people who have experienced trauma or significant life challenges. These feelings often come from deeper wounds, like feeling disconnected from life, a sense of missed opportunities, or grappling with existential questions.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
When these thoughts arise, it’s essential to treat yourself with kindness rather than judgment. I would encourage the client to notice how they speak to themselves in these moments. Instead of letting self-critical thoughts spiral, they could practice self-compassion by saying something like:
“It’s okay to feel this way.”
“I’m not behind; I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve experienced.”
“It’s never too late to learn or grow.”
Reframing thoughts with self-compassion can shift their perspective from harsh self-criticism to one of understanding and care.
3. Mindful Reading Practices
When distractions come up while reading, it’s helpful to cultivate mindfulness. Here are a few strategies to bring attention back to the present:
Set Short, Manageable Reading Goals: Instead of trying to read for long periods, start with short, achievable goals (like 5-10 minutes) and build from there. This can help the client feel a sense of accomplishment and reduce the pressure to “catch up.”
Pause and Breathe: When intrusive thoughts pop up, encourage the client to pause, take a deep breath, and gently bring their attention back to the text. They can even place their hand on the page or run their finger along the words to anchor their attention physically.
Focus on One Sentence at a Time: Instead of trying to read everything at once, suggest focusing on just one sentence or paragraph at a time. This breaks the task into smaller, more manageable pieces, helping to reduce overwhelm.
4. Label the Thoughts
A powerful tool is to help the client label the distracting thoughts without becoming absorbed by them. For example:
When the thought, “I’m behind in life,” arises, they can simply notice, “Ah, that’s the ‘I’m behind’ thought again.”
When the thought, “I’ve wasted my life,” arises, they might say, “That’s the ‘wasted time’ thought.”
By labeling the thoughts, they create distance between themselves and the thought, recognizing that it’s just a mental event rather than an absolute truth.
5. Challenge the Thoughts with Gentle Reality-Checking
These thoughts often contain cognitive distortions, such as all-or-nothing thinking or catastrophizing. I would encourage the client to gently challenge the thoughts by asking:
“Is this thought 100% true?” Often, these thoughts are exaggerated fears or assumptions.
“Is there another way to look at this?” Perhaps they can focus on what they have learned and achieved, despite their past challenges.
“What can I do right now to feel a sense of progress?” Even small actions, like reading a few pages, taking notes, or reflecting on what they’ve learned, can give a sense of movement forward.
6. Shift Focus to What Is Under Their Control
Feeling behind in life can make someone feel powerless. Shifting focus from what’s already happened (which can’t be changed) to what can be done now (the present) can be empowering. Ask questions like:
“What do you want to learn or understand right now?”
“What can you explore that will feel meaningful today?”
“What small steps can you take that make you feel engaged in life?”
This mindset shift encourages them to focus on progress over perfection.
7. Explore the Root of These Thoughts
These thoughts often come from deeper fears or wounds related to self-worth, purpose, or meaning in life. I would encourage the client to explore where these feelings of being behind or wasting time originated. Are they linked to past trauma, family expectations, societal pressure, or spiritual abuse? Understanding the root can help in reframing these narratives.
8. Take Breaks and Regulate the Nervous System
When thoughts become too overwhelming, taking regular breaks is essential. I might suggest short, calming activities like stretching, walking, or listening to calming music between reading sessions. Engaging the body in grounding exercises can help regulate the nervous system, making it easier to refocus afterward.
9. Consider the Larger Perspective
Many people who struggle with these thoughts have deep existential questions, which can often lead to feeling like they’ll never "catch up." Encourage the client to reflect on what catching up means to them. Is it possible that they’re already on a meaningful journey, and that growth happens in different ways for everyone? Learning to embrace their own unique path can ease the sense of being behind.
By normalizing these experiences, fostering self-compassion, and providing practical tools to manage distractions, the client can develop a healthier relationship with reading and with their intrusive thoughts about feeling behind in life. With time, they can move from a place of overwhelm to one of greater acceptance and focus on the present moment.
