Marie's 2022: A Narrative & Slideshow
Every year for a while now I’ve been putting together a photo highlight reel for my calendar year. You can see my 2021 post here. I’ve got it organized by categories with narratives and then slideshows respective to each category. Enjoy!
Art/Music:
started to reconnect with art
meditative: have been doing some meditative art at Creators Space
watercolors: begun to play around with watercolors; love how it looks and feels.
digital sketching: bought a graphic tablet (that didn’t last for long but then I got a touchscreen laptop) and have begun digital doodling using Krita.
figure drawing: went to a drawing class for the first time and sketched a live model
photography: didn’t have much photography business, but still played around a lot and also found the delight of working with neurodivergent kiddos.
pottery class: took a pottery class at Creators Space. Will be experimenting with this more next year
2023 vision board: made a vision board at Creators Space for 2023 which was one of the easiest projects of this type I’ve ever done likely due to the amount of personal clarity I’ve gained
started to reconnect with music
piano: picked up piano again after becoming a member at Creators Space. I go there every other day or so and play for 30 minutes. I had forgotten how easily playing gets me into a flow state.
drums: bought bongos and took a drumming class
jam w/dad: met up with my dad a handful of times and jammed with him (guitar, singing)
Chosen Family/Relationship Anarchy/Community: My relationship with my partners Adam, Graham, and Ryan as well as my platonic partner Josh, my meta Lacey and so many more people.
Divorce: Had the cutest divorce ever with Keith that was finalized on August 23. We both walked away with a bunch of equity from selling the house and a new life adventure to begin with our respective partners
New Partner: He barely made it into my 2022 post, but I met Ryan in December and hit it off with him immediately. He’s quickly become a very important person in my life and I’m looking forward to growing with him in 2023 as we plan how we want to develop emotionally, spiritually, and as partners. Ryan is the first partner I’ve done a written relationship intention agreement with.
My communication skills have increased exponentially this year as I have been working on disclosing the secret shaming messages I hear inside me all day every day. With those exposed and love still being there, I am digging deeper into my self to recover the inner child I had to bury.
I had one of my intimate relationships renegotiated this year (excluding my divorce). I still think about it a lot, feeling grief and maybe some disillusionment. But more than anything, the reason I include it here is mostly because of how respectful and kind the conversations leading to the ending was.
Around March my friend Josh exited a domestic partnership and had more free time in his life so he ended up showing up to some events I was putting on. It was then that a new level of our friendship started to develop. Since then, Josh has entered the inner most ring of my intimacies (fka “best friend”). I can’t even get into the level of detail of conversations we have, the level of intimacy I feel brave enough to share with him, and how good it’s been for me to talk with someone like him who can have these convos. When my brain thinks of Josh it feels very steady, stable, and secure.
I had the pleasure on December 27th to enjoy an evening with my 3 partners, my metamour, and my dearest friend Josh. The sense of belonging and love were drilling into my heart and I sense it’s about to crack.
For the first half of the year, I lived with my ex-husband and my boyfriend Adam in the house. Then in August we sold the house and Adam and I officially moved in together to an apartment in St. Paul. The transition was a bit rough for me, but I’m adjusting. Adam and I are exploring our relationship, our life together, and growing. It’s been a long year and a frustrating divorce for Adam has been taxing on us.
In May, I visited my partner Graham in Chicago and one of the highlights of the trip was getting to visit the Stranger Things pop-up shop.
Starting around July, I began to hang out with a subgroup of the MNPoly community. Since then, we’ve been meeting once a month for brunch or some other party. It’s been a really interesting group to be a part of since they practice platonic physical affection at these parties (with consent, etc.) and that has been a positive challenge for me given that I have some trauma in the area of physical touch.
On September 13th, my dear friend Caleb died. I went to his funeral with another of his friends, Brien. On the trip, Brien and I ended up striking up our OWN friendship. In addition, we met Caleb’s childhood friend Daniel on the trip and then the THREE of us really got along. It was a profoundly powerful experience of grief and new beginnings.
I also met a lovely person named Ash who insists that she be my goat (LOL). I met her when I was feeling like I was in the darkest part of my journey. Desperate. We began talking and hit it off right away. She was the first to identify from what I was sharing that I may be experiencing dissociation/derealization/depersonalization. It was that “seeing” by another that prompted me to take that a bit more seriously. And that led me to a bunch more awareness of my self developing. Additionally, she encouraged me to give microdosing a shot, which indeed has been a very powerful tool in all of this as well.
Entrepreneur/Career/Finances: My efforts in photography, life coaching, podcasting, and more.
MarKei: Since Keith and I legally disentangled, I decided to shut down MarKei Photography end of 2022. I plan to establish a new company in 2023 that will include all my artistic endeavours as an umbrella.
Sold our house and made $83K in August 2022; Gave myself 10K to play with and then invested the rest. Having that there has been a big comfort especially since I got laid off in October
Speaking of which, I got laid off from my part-time job in October 2022. It has been triggering and scary but also something I’ve probably needed since 2003. Some time OFF. Where I don’t have to make money, get educated, handle a house, etc. Just… rest. And start taking inventory of who I have become and what I am carrying in me.
This year I began to “sit” for people going on psychadelic trips. That has been a PROFOUND source of joy and satisfaction. I am hoping to lean into this even more in 2023.
I joined the board of MNPoly!
I decided to end my podcast “Marie, Myself, and I” as I was running out of any interest to continually translate my experience into an uninterrupted monologue
I got my story published in Women’s Press!
Participated in a panel on consent and sex positivity in April
Co-hosted the Secular Sexuality show in May
Presented two workshops at MNPoly Con (Poly Starts With Me & CBT for ENM)
Presented a workshop and facilitated a panel at Shameless Sexuality Conference
Home Life: People who live / have lived in my home: my ex-husband, my boyfriend, boyfriend's daughter; domestic stuff
Got our house ready to sell, purged our belongings. WHEW. It was SUCH an effort and a stress but it opened the door for me being where I’m at now. Financially supported, no stress living (apartment), and fewer belongings to worry about.
In April, my boyfriend got COVID so my husband (at the time) spent that week over at his girlfriend’s. During that time, those two realized they liked doing day-to-day life together. So Keith suggested that we end living together in the house and move towards divorce. It was a beautiful rearranging.
Had a great time picking and working with my realtor, Jennifer Ivers. I was very picky, now that I know more about myself and how I think. Wanted to find someone who understood how I thought, who could handle me not compartmentalizing around them, and could embrace the emotionality. She was amazing and remains my friend. I’m proud of my efforts in looking for a good realtor. I picked a great one.
I researched and got us (Adam/me) moved into a high-rise apartment in downtown St. Paul end of July
My friend Heather visited me in May and we had a really fun time adventuring around the metro!
Spending more time with Adam’s kid this year especially now that we are in the apartment. Been working on how I interact with and see kids given my own inner child wounding. Trying to be a better adult influence in her life.
Media: Shit I watched or read that I loved so much I took a picture of it.
The Righteous Gemstones: excellent show about greedy televangelists yet you find yourself somehow caring about them at the same time. does an excellent job at not painting them as evil but illustrating the intergenerational trauma cycle
The Rehearsal: WOW! Such a good show. I don’t know how to do it justice. Just really dissects the interactions that humans have with one another.
Ted Lasso: Another WOW! I wasn’t interested in this show but gave it another shot and I was HOOKED. The characters develop beautifully and the loving nature of Ted Lasso is beyond inspiring. Makes you want to be a better person. Or better yet, it helps you believe you are already a good person and that Ted Lasso would believe in you if he met you.
Spirited: I’m not really a Christmas person but WOW, this was a great film. I’ve seen it probably 5 times in the last month. I love the spin they take on the story. It was so incredibly unique and it also made me feel like I am a good person and can do this life thing.
Murderville: When I first saw this, I had no context and thought that everything was a script, so I just thought they were playing with genres or something. But no. It’s HILARIOUS. Like a murder mystery dinner party with friends except all your friends work in Hollywood and you’re the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on… oh, and you’re all famous people. It’s hilarious.
Sex Education: I basically love anything that promotes the new values I’m developing. Sex Education is on the edgier side of talking about sex and normalizing it.
The White Lotus: This is darker than the stuff I usually like and yet I was hooked. It had a lot of big things to say about Americans who travel to “get away from it all” including themselves and their family dynamics. To me it was an indictment on American culture being so performative and less integrated into the planetary context.
Dead to Me: This one grew on me. For one, I loved all the unexpected twists and turns. Beautifully written. I also loved how I grew to love the “antagonists”. Again, I like any show that shows how complicated it is to become someone that society judges and discards.
Barry: One of my absolute favorites I watched this year. Partially because I’m thinking a lot about “masking” and being “authentic”. But also, the development of Barry was absolutely intoxicating to watch. Again, the storytelling about how Barry became who he was naturally developed more compassion in me for people living lives that I judge.
Search Party: OMG… this was also brilliant. Each season was basically a new genre. It takes some time to grow on you but it’s worth it to see these characters go through HUGE life transitions where it feels like you’re watching a whole new show each season.
Living With Yourself: I don’t remember a ton about the plot or what I liked about it, but I definitely remember loving it.
Moon Knight: Adam has got me into Marvel stuff. Really enjoyed Moon Knight
She-Hulk: More Marvel. Blame Adam. But again, AMAZING show that challenges how stories are told. And really has a strong voice from women’s experience in society.
Strange World: Amazing cartoon about a fantasy planet where the people are trying to survive and find out some surprising things about where they live. SO…. GOOD… and what humans need to hear right now. Really hits colonialism and planetary dominance on the head.
Mythic Quest: I’m not sure what it is about this exactly because I’m not really that much into gaming and this is about that. I suppose it’s the characters that I love.
Avenue 5: SO GOOD. SO SO SO GOOD. Again, this one is largely about the characters for me.
saw Joe Pera LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!
also, since discovering my heart/intuition/etc. I’ve begun to really resonate with music and find a lot of meaning and joy from listening to it.
Origin Family: They made me and are related to me. Origin family!
intergenerational healing with parents: my parents have been doing a LOT of work on their emotional intelligence and have pursued healing some childhood wounding with me. I have been spending time with each of them, alone, for most of this year, talking about our experiences. It is nothing I can sum up in a paragraph on this post, but suffice it to say, I never dared to dream something like this would ever happen and it is such a relief to my suffering. I’m so grateful to them both.
drove with my mom to see my grandma: went on a roadtrip to (near) Canada with my mom to celebrate my grandma’s 101 years of living!
Self: This particular category of my life has been a VERY significant one this year. It involves existential trauma, dissociation, awareness, somatic mindfulness, meditation, projection, Parts work, and play.
bought my first tarot deck in March
working on my awareness and focus
turned 40; made a big deal of it (30 of 40); had a GREAT birthday party that sparked Heart Friends
gradually began to let myself experiment with more spirituality
discovered ritual, projection, etc. as a tool
started yoga at home
joined Creators Space (piano, meditation, lunar wisdom, sound bowls, live music, Melissa, somatic meditation)
dissociation/CPTD/depersonalization/derealization: I am real, I have voices in my head, there’s nothing wrong with me
Parts work: realizing I can talk to myself; compassion
started adding personal holidays to my calendar (like Nathan Fielder’s birthday)
healing with my parents
microdosing/etc. starting September 2022
started meditation class for the spiritually abused
been working on morning spiritual hygiene routine (tarot, buttons, spells, meditation, yoga)
experimented with ADHD medication; tried that route; considered being autistic; then abandoned labeling altogether
have begun to prioritize self-care out of a deep belief that I need it to survive instead of a performative obligation to be a good human
big depression after moving to apartment; loud brain
post lay-off time to learn about my internal suffering and grow through it
learning about and using somatic awareness
acquired ryan as a spiritual partner
deconstructing types of attachment hierarchy in polyamory
In February, started to notice my social hypervigilance and lack of embodiment
stayed alive
became more open, honest, and vulnerable
connecting to my intuition & body
creating distant between thoughts/feelings and awareness
began working with Tracy Winter in March 2022
began working with Chris Gunlock in August
got unentangled from angry, debative atheist community
deconstructing my sexual trauma
dropped by my high school in July; saw old teachers; walked the hallways
bought an emotional support triceratops stuffed animal
researched and am developing more interoceptive skills
As far as 2023, themes I’d like to develop are around the following:
invest heavily in my spiritual relationship with Ryan (explore more mindfulness, coregulation, disclosure of traumas/samskaras, practice better communication and vulnerability)
continue to practice self-embodiment and compassion along with grounding rituals + meditation
explore how I might make my income once unemployment income ends
physical intimacy
further exploration with my parents
programming at Creators Space
travel?
