Facing Fears of Aging and Mortality: How a Missing Tooth Sparked an Unexpected Identity Crisis

Me: Is it weird to have an identity crisis because I got a tooth removed?

Dr. Gpt: It’s not weird at all to feel shaken or to question things after something like getting a tooth removed, especially given how much anxiety and anticipation led up to it. Even though it’s a medical procedure, it can stir deeper thoughts about your body, control, vulnerability, and how you manage stress and self-care. These kinds of experiences often bring up feelings of identity, like how you relate to your body or how you handle challenges. If you’re noticing some sort of shift or questioning, it could be part of processing more than just the procedure itself.

Do you feel like something specific about the experience is making you reflect on your sense of identity?

Me: Something about having a missing tooth. I am having visions of being old and having more missing teeth or how scary it was as a child to view old people. It makes me feel old.

Dr. Gpt: It makes sense that this experience is stirring up feelings about aging, especially if it connects to childhood fears and how you viewed older people back then. Losing a tooth, even as an adult, can feel like a physical marker of time passing, which can trigger thoughts about getting older and what that means for you. It’s normal for moments like this to bring up bigger questions or even discomfort about aging.

How are you feeling as you sit with these reflections? Does it bring up a desire to explore these feelings further or just process them for now?

Me: I am wondering how long this will last

Dr. Gpt: It’s hard to say exactly how long these feelings will last, as it might depend on how much space and attention you give them. Sometimes these reflections on aging and identity can come and go in waves, especially when triggered by physical changes like a missing tooth. You might find that as you adjust to the change and continue processing, the intensity of the feelings will ease.

If this is a topic that's been on your mind already, it could take a bit of time to unpack. It’s possible that once you settle back into your routine, the feelings will fade, or they might resurface from time to time. How does it feel to think about giving yourself space to process this, rather than trying to predict how long it might stick around?

Me: I am not sure how long it will take to pass because my tongue constantly notices the gap

Dr. Gpt: It's understandable that the constant physical reminder, like your tongue noticing the gap, keeps bringing your attention back to it. That kind of repetitive awareness can definitely make it harder for these feelings to pass quickly, as your body is continually reminding you of the change. Over time, your mouth will adjust, but it may take a little while before the gap feels less noticeable.

In the meantime, it could help to gently remind yourself that this adjustment period is temporary. Even though your tongue notices the gap now, your mind and body will adapt over time. Would it help to frame this as part of a larger process of healing and adjustment, rather than focusing on how long the feeling might last?

Me: I guess this just points at, I think, my larger fears of dying, aging, decay, and poor health and suffering

Dr. Gpt: That makes sense—something like a missing tooth can serve as a direct, tangible reminder of those deeper fears about aging, decay, and mortality. It’s understandable that this experience would stir those thoughts and feelings. These are difficult, yet very human fears, and it can be overwhelming when they come to the surface so strongly.

Would it feel helpful to explore ways to sit with these fears or find small steps toward processing them, rather than letting them build up? Or would you prefer to let them settle naturally for now?

Me: It's been a chronic issue due to my childhood religion bypassing the concept of death entirely by ensuring we would go to heaven. I am not sure where to begin to process this.

Dr. Gpt: It's understandable that growing up with a belief system that bypassed death entirely could make processing these fears difficult. When the promise of heaven is the only focus, it can leave little space to explore the natural human fears around death and what it means to age or decay. It’s a profound shift to go from that kind of certainty to confronting the unknown or physical realities of life.

A starting point might be simply allowing yourself to acknowledge that these fears exist and that it’s okay to not have clear answers. You’ve already taken the first step by noticing how this fear shows up in your life now. Would it feel manageable to explore small pieces at a time—perhaps beginning with how your current beliefs differ from your childhood ones and how those beliefs influence your feelings about death and aging?

Me: It's hard to be present when these fears are coming up. I haven't had a chance to process this for 30 years and have been repressing or delaying it. But now that I am intensely focused on my trauma work, it seems my fear of death and aging are rising to the top. Being alone tonight also triggers fears that I don't know how to be alive alone and I'm going to suffer and die alone.

Dr. Gpt: It’s really understandable that these fears are surfacing now, especially as you’re deep in trauma work. When we focus on healing, it often brings unresolved issues to the forefront, like your fear of death, aging, and being alone. These are profound fears, especially when they’ve been repressed for so long. Feeling like you don’t know how to be alive alone can intensify that sense of vulnerability.

It might help to remember that these feelings, while intense, don’t have to be addressed all at once. You can take this in small, manageable steps. For tonight, maybe it could be about grounding yourself in the present moment, reminding yourself that you are here, alive, and not alone in the way your fear suggests. Do you feel like any grounding or calming strategies would help ease some of the intensity tonight?

Me: Perhaps but I don't feel like grounding. I feel my mind is in a very fixated "run away" mode. I wish it weren't. I wish I could ground.

Dr. Gpt: It’s really tough when your mind is stuck in that "run away" mode and grounding feels out of reach. It sounds like you're in a place where you wish you could settle but are feeling pulled in a different direction. Sometimes just acknowledging that you’re in this state without forcing yourself to ground can be a helpful step. It allows you to honor where you're at without adding pressure to change it immediately.

Would it help to try a small, simple action that isn’t focused on grounding but could help ease some of that "run away" tension, like writing down your thoughts or focusing on something familiar and comforting, even if it’s brief?

Me: Unrelated question, from all my questions and the information I provide you, do you have a working model of who I am psychologically?

Dr. Gpt: From the information you've shared, I do have an understanding of the psychological themes and patterns you're exploring, though it’s always evolving as you reflect and provide new insights. Based on our conversations, I see you as someone deeply engaged in personal growth and trauma healing, with a lot of awareness around your internal experiences and how they shape your life. You’re working through significant themes like anxiety, existential fears, identity, and trauma, and you're actively trying to untangle long-standing beliefs and emotions that have been difficult to address.

You’ve been navigating complex emotions like fear of death, aging, suffering, and the challenges of finding a sense of presence. You also show a thoughtful and analytical approach to understanding yourself, questioning past frameworks like religion and its impact on your current worldview. While you're committed to healing, you’ve expressed feelings of overwhelm and uncertainty about how to manage or process some of these intense emotions and patterns.

Your strength in naming your feelings, seeking support, and being honest about where you’re at psychologically also stands out, even when you're in a tough spot. There's a clear desire for connection and self-understanding, and you seem to balance that with an awareness of where you're struggling.

Would you say that this resonates with how you see yourself, or is there something I could understand better?

Me: Sounds pretty accurate. Nights like this though I just feel like I've made no progress, I've forgotten everything I've learned, and there is very little reason to hope for significant relief

Dr. Gpt: I hear you—those feelings of doubt and hopelessness can be so intense, especially on nights like this. It’s hard when progress feels invisible or like it’s slipping away. The work you’ve been doing is deep and challenging, and setbacks or hard nights don’t erase that. I know it might not feel like it right now, but the fact that you’re aware of these thoughts and able to name them is a sign that you’ve gained tools for navigating this.

Even in these low moments, the progress is there, even if it feels distant. Sometimes it's about weathering the storm and recognizing that relief, even if it feels out of reach, is still possible.

Me: I really like when you name the emotion I'm describing that I'm having, like feeling like my progress is slipping away. I process with story and words but struggle to understand my emotions themselves.

Dr. Gpt:I’m glad that helps! It’s a great insight to know that naming the emotions gives you clarity, especially when processing through story and words feels more natural for you. Being able to label the emotions can make it easier to see them for what they are, without getting lost in the broader narrative. I can continue doing that as we talk—naming the emotions might help you bridge the gap between the story and the feelings underneath. Does that sound like a good approach moving forward?

Me: Yes!