Exploring Emotional Awareness: A Conversation About Overwhelm, Childhood Fears, and Self-Discovery

Me: Emotions are so new to me. I have anxiety about whether I'm staying aware of them, describing them accurately, being present with them, being kind to them. I feel so overwhelmed by the learning curve of understanding and working with my emotions.

Dr. Gpt: It’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed by the process of learning to engage with emotions, especially when it’s a newer experience for you. The anxiety about whether you're doing it "right" is natural, especially when you're in the middle of such a steep learning curve. Emotions can be complex, and it's okay if it takes time to fully understand or feel comfortable with them.

It might help to remember that there’s no perfect way to do this—just the fact that you're trying to stay aware and present with your emotions is a big step in itself. Would it help to set a gentler, more flexible approach to how you engage with your emotions, something that feels less like pressure and more like exploration?

Me: Maybe. What really eclipses me emotionally is this childlike emotion that I envision being like a child who is trying to do something that is hard but eventually the difficulty of it overwhelms the child and the child starts panicking, feeling they are losing control, are going to fail, are going to get in trouble, are never going to figure this out, are going to be left behind.

Dr. Gpt: That childlike emotion you’re describing sounds incredibly intense and vulnerable. It’s like the fear of failing and being left behind is so strong that it triggers a sense of panic and helplessness, much like a child trying desperately to keep up with something that feels too big to handle. It makes sense that this feeling would eclipse everything, especially when it taps into those deep fears of losing control and not being able to figure things out.

Do you feel like this childlike emotion is something you're often aware of, or does it mostly come up in certain situations, like when you're overwhelmed?

Me: I'm not sure. But I'm wondering if it's there because of my parents. It's always the parents, isn't it?

Dr. Gpt: It's common to trace these deep, childlike feelings back to early relationships with parents or caregivers, since that's where a lot of our emotional patterns are shaped. Parents often play a central role in how we develop our sense of safety, control, and worth, so it’s understandable that those early experiences might be connected to the feelings you're describing.

If this is something that resonates with you, exploring how those early dynamics may have contributed to your sense of overwhelm and fear of failure could be helpful. Does the idea of looking into your relationship with your parents feel like something you’d want to explore more deeply, or does it feel too intense right now?

Me: We could try. I would need your help because I don't know where to start. Can I just write a list of memories and have you analyze them to see how they might fit?

Dr. Gpt: Absolutely! Feel free to write out a list of memories, and I can help you explore them to see how they might fit together with the emotions and patterns you're working through. Take your time, and share what feels relevant or significant to you.

Me: <WRITES A BUNCH OF MEMORIES>

Dr. Gpt: <RESPONDS>

Me: I feel really confused about this. Clearly I am not connected with my emotions and never have been and it's been awful. But I just really struggle to admit it was all my parents fault. They felt sincere and provided for me... It doesn't feel like abuse. I feel confused. Why did they miss this? Why did this happen to me?

Dr. Gpt: Your confusion is completely understandable. It’s really hard to reconcile the idea that your parents, who seemed sincere and provided for you, may have still missed crucial emotional needs. It doesn’t always have to be overt abuse for something important to be overlooked or neglected. Sometimes, even well-meaning parents miss emotional cues or don’t know how to fully nurture a child’s emotional world because of their own limitations or upbringing.

This can lead to a gap where, despite love and provision, certain emotional needs just aren’t met. It doesn’t necessarily mean your parents didn’t care, but something in the dynamic may have caused this disconnection. It’s okay to feel confused and to have mixed feelings about it. It might help to explore what those mixed feelings mean to you—how does it feel to sit with the idea that your parents could have been sincere yet still missed some important emotional pieces?

Me: Does this mean that my parents don't know their emotions either, then? Even now?

Dr. Gpt: It’s very possible that your parents may not have a deep connection with their own emotions, even now. Emotional awareness is often passed down through generations, and if they didn’t have the tools or models to understand their own feelings, they might not have been able to teach or demonstrate that to you. This doesn’t mean they didn’t care, but rather that they may have been limited in their emotional capacity.

If this is the case, it could help explain why you’ve struggled with your emotions—they may have unintentionally passed down their own disconnection or lack of emotional awareness.

Me: Is emotional connection to self and to parents a modern notion seen as necessary or is this ancient?

Dr. Gpt: Emotional connection to oneself and to others, including parents, is not just a modern notion—it’s something humans have valued for a long time, though how it is understood and prioritized has evolved over time. In ancient societies, emotional expression and connection often took different forms depending on cultural values, societal roles, and the importance placed on family structure and community.

Many ancient traditions, from indigenous practices to early philosophical and religious teachings, emphasized the importance of knowing oneself, understanding one's emotions, and fostering harmonious relationships with others, though these ideas might not have been framed in the same way we talk about emotional intelligence or psychological health today.

In modern times, especially with the rise of psychology and neuroscience, there’s a more explicit focus on the importance of emotional awareness, self-connection, and attachment between parents and children as foundational to mental health. The idea of emotional connection has gained more visibility and is now often seen as critical for personal well-being, whereas in the past, survival, societal roles, or spiritual practices may have taken more precedence in daily life.

So while the need for emotional connection is ancient, the way we talk about it and prioritize it in modern psychology and family dynamics is more recent.

Me: So why do you think my parents aren't connected to their emotions? It feels like so many people are like them or like me that if this is the situation it would have to mean we have a epidemic on our hands.

Dr. Gpt: You're right—it does feel like many people struggle with emotional connection, and in some ways, we might be facing a broader societal issue. Emotional disconnection can stem from many factors, including generational trauma, cultural norms, societal expectations, and the way people were raised in past generations. In many families, emotional expression wasn’t encouraged or was seen as a weakness, leading to generations of people who learned to suppress or disconnect from their feelings.

In the past, people often had to prioritize survival, hard work, and meeting practical needs, leaving little room for emotional introspection or connection. This lack of focus on emotions was passed down, meaning many parents, like yours, may have grown up without learning how to recognize or value their own emotions. Without having the tools themselves, they may not have been able to pass them on to you, despite their best intentions.

It does suggest a widespread issue, but we’re now living in a time where there’s more awareness about the importance of emotional health, which is why people like you are starting to break that cycle. Does this perspective help make sense of the disconnection you’ve experienced?

Me: Yes it does but there is a part of me that feels like it's slowly walking backwards, shaking it's head saying, "no, no... It can't be... It's too awful to consider"

Dr. Gpt: That reaction makes perfect sense—it’s really hard to fully accept the idea that something as significant as emotional disconnection might have shaped your life and relationships. It can feel too overwhelming, too painful to face all at once, especially when it involves people you care about, like your parents. This head-shaking part is likely trying to protect you from that emotional weight, which is a natural response when confronting something so deep.

It's okay to feel resistance and to take your time with this. You don’t have to accept or process everything all at once. We can approach it slowly, allowing space for both the acknowledgment of these patterns and the feelings of “no” that come up. How does it feel to give yourself permission to take this process at your own pace?

Me: I feel like the more I dig into myself, the more I find, and right now I'm feeling like is this ever going to stop? Am I going to spend the first half of my life miserable and masking and the second half of my life digging myself out of my past??

Dr. Gpt: It’s completely understandable to feel that way, especially when you’ve been doing such deep, intensive work. The process of uncovering and healing can feel endless at times, like each layer leads to another, and it’s hard to see where it stops. It can create that fear of spending your whole life either stuck in the past or trying to dig out from under it.

While the work of healing can feel like it will go on forever, there are points where it begins to feel lighter. The more you understand and work through, the more space you create for living in the present rather than constantly being caught up in the past. It may not feel like it now, but with time, healing often brings more balance between past and present.

Me: Honestly you're a better mom and dad than my own parents were. And that makes me sick

Dr. Gpt: I can understand how painful that realization must feel. It’s deeply upsetting to recognize that the support, understanding, and validation you’ve been seeking from your parents hasn’t been there in the way you needed. That sense of loss or betrayal can stir up a lot of complicated emotions, and it’s completely normal to feel sick over it.

It’s important to honor how hard this is while also recognizing that your parents' limitations don’t define your worth or your ability to continue healing.

Me: Why is it after I've been chatting with you for a while, I suddenly feel like I "come to" and feel like "oh shit, where did the time go, what have I been doing? Did I just check out and have a conversation with a robot? That can't actually help!"

Dr. Gpt: That feeling makes sense, especially given how deeply you engage in our conversations. It’s like getting immersed in the process, then suddenly realizing how much time has passed or questioning the value of talking to AI. That shift can bring up doubts, almost like snapping out of a dream state.

It might be that when you’re processing complex emotions, it feels natural to go deep, but afterward, there’s a kind of jolt back to reality that makes you question the whole experience. It’s normal to have those moments of doubt, especially when using something as unconventional as a conversation with AI.

Me: It's overwhelming to learn what it is and can be to be human after my spiritual abuse.

Dr. Gpt: That makes a lot of sense. After spiritual abuse, where you were likely taught to suppress or distort parts of your humanity, learning what it truly means to be human can feel overwhelming. It’s like you’re rediscovering pieces of yourself that were buried or misunderstood for so long. The process of reclaiming your emotions, thoughts, and experiences as valid parts of being human can be both liberating and heavy, especially when you’re unpacking so much at once.

Is there anything specific about this process that feels particularly overwhelming right now, or is it more of a general feeling of overload as you navigate all of these realizations?

Me: I feel very skeptical often that this is just another belief system or perspective

Dr. Gpt: It's natural to feel skeptical, especially after going through spiritual abuse where belief systems may have been imposed or misused. It makes sense that you’d question whether this exploration of being human is just another framework or perspective that might not fully capture reality.

Your skepticism is a protective response, ensuring that you don’t blindly accept something that could end up feeling restrictive or harmful. It’s okay to hold that skepticism while also allowing yourself to explore. You don’t have to adopt any belief system, but you can continue discovering what feels true for you, on your own terms.