Rebuilding Emotional Trust with Music After Spiritual Abuse
Info from Dr Gpt:
For a client who has experienced spiritual abuse, where praise and worship music was used to evoke deep emotional experiences that were interpreted as the Holy Spirit moving inside them, it's understandable that they might now feel emotionally guarded when listening to moving music. This is especially true if they feel wary of being emotionally manipulated again, as their previous experience may have involved religious control or emotional coercion.
Here’s some advice to help your client navigate their relationship with music, emotions, and healing after spiritual abuse:
1. Acknowledge and Validate Their Emotional Guarding
The first step is to validate their feelings of being emotionally guarded. Their caution around music makes sense, especially if they previously experienced powerful emotional responses that were framed as a direct connection to God or used to reinforce spiritual teachings that they later found harmful or manipulative.
Advice: Acknowledge that their emotional response is a protective mechanism. It’s okay to feel guarded when something like music, which was once linked to emotional or spiritual manipulation, now feels threatening or unsettling. Remind them that this is a normal response after spiritual abuse, and their feelings are valid.
2. Separate the Music from Manipulation
Help your client understand that music itself is not inherently manipulative. Music is a powerful tool for evoking emotions, and that’s true across all cultures, genres, and contexts. What likely felt manipulative was how spiritual leaders or religious environments used music to create specific emotional experiences and then impose meaning onto those emotions, tying them to religious beliefs or behaviors.
Advice: Encourage your client to separate the music from the manipulative context. Music doesn’t have to be tied to a religious experience or authority—it can simply be a way to feel and express emotion. Remind them that they have the power to interpret their own emotions, rather than letting external forces define what their emotional response means.
3. Reclaim Emotional Experiences on Their Own Terms
Because praise and worship music might have been associated with a specific emotional and spiritual framework, it’s important for the client to learn how to reclaim emotional experiences on their own terms. They can feel moved by music or art without feeling like those emotions are manipulations or have spiritual significance beyond their personal experience.
Advice: Encourage them to experiment with different types of music or art that they find moving, but in a way that feels safe and on their terms. They can explore emotional experiences without needing to label them as “spiritual” or feel controlled by them. Remind them that emotions are natural and healthy—and they don’t need to be tied to religious experiences to be valid.
4. Develop Emotional Awareness and Boundaries
A key part of healing from spiritual abuse is developing emotional awareness and learning to trust one’s feelings without fear of manipulation. Your client can begin to explore emotions—through music or other means—by staying aware of their emotional boundaries. This means recognizing when they feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable and allowing themselves to step back when needed.
Advice: Encourage them to slowly explore music or emotional experiences in a way that feels safe. If a song or piece of music starts to evoke emotions that feel overwhelming or manipulative, they can give themselves permission to stop and reflect. It’s important for them to understand that they have control over their emotions and the context in which they experience them.
5. Reframe the Role of Music in Their Life
Your client might benefit from reframing their relationship with music and recognizing that music can serve many purposes outside of religious contexts. Music can be a way to connect with emotions, express creativity, or simply enjoy a sensory experience, without needing to ascribe deeper spiritual meaning to it.
Advice: Help your client explore different genres of music that are not tied to their religious past. They might find joy in instrumental music, classical, jazz, or other genres that evoke emotions without the lyrics or context of worship. This can help them rebuild a relationship with music as a source of pleasure or emotional release, free from the religious baggage.
6. Explore Non-Music Emotional Expressions
Sometimes, it can be helpful for clients to explore other ways of expressing and experiencing emotions that feel safe and empowering. This could include art, writing, movement, or meditation. Finding alternative outlets for emotions can give them a sense of emotional freedom without the fear of being manipulated.
Advice: Suggest activities like journaling about how certain music or art makes them feel, trying creative expression through drawing or painting, or engaging in movement like dance or yoga to explore emotions in a non-verbal, non-religious way.
7. Process the Fear of Emotional Manipulation in Therapy
For someone who has been spiritually abused, there may be a deep fear that any strong emotional experience is a form of manipulation. This fear can cause them to shut down or suppress emotions, which is a protective mechanism but can also create emotional barriers that prevent healing and growth. Working through this fear in therapy can help the client learn to trust their emotions again.
Advice: Encourage the client to talk about their fear of emotional manipulation in therapy, so they can work on distinguishing between authentic emotional experiences and the fear that they’re being controlled. Therapy can also help them build emotional trust in themselves, allowing them to engage with emotions without fear of manipulation.
8. Gradually Reintroduce Safe Emotional Experiences
If the client wishes to explore moving music again but feels wary, encourage them to take a gradual approach. They might start by listening to music they associate with safety and joy, then gradually introduce more emotionally evocative pieces as they feel more comfortable. They can reflect on their emotional experience afterward, noticing any fears that come up and processing those feelings.
Advice: Suggest that they create a safe space for listening to music, free of religious connotations. Encourage them to take breaks or journal about their emotions if the music brings up any old fears. This process allows them to slowly build emotional resilience while feeling in control of their experience.
Final Thoughts:
For a client with a history of spiritual abuse, it’s natural to feel emotionally guarded when listening to music, especially if music was once tied to experiences of manipulation or control. The goal is to help the client rebuild trust with their emotions and learn that music and emotions can be experienced safely, without the need for external spiritual validation or fear of manipulation.
Encouraging them to reframe music as a tool for personal expression, to experiment with different genres, and to explore emotions in safe and controlled ways will allow them to reconnect with the beauty of music and their own emotional landscape, free from the religious context that once held power over them.
